Kristen Stewart on Her Relationship with Robert Pattinson: "It Stopped Being Real Life, and That Was Gross to Me"

The actress opens up about why she was so closed during that relationship—and what changed when she started dating women.

(Image credit: Getty Images)

In 2012, a press-shy Kristen Stewart released a public apology (opens in new tab) to Robert Pattinson, her Twilight costar and boyfriend of nearly four years, after she was photographed kissing Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. "This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry," she said. Outlets worldwide printed it.

But the disintegration of Robsten then was in part due to just how public their showmance-turned-off-screen-romance had become. "People wanted me and Rob to be together so badly that our relationship was made into a product," Stewart explained to T Magazine (opens in new tab) in a new interview out today. "It wasn't real life anymore. And that was gross to me." She was closed because "it's not that I want to hide who I am or hide anything I'm doing in my life. It's that I don't want to become a part of a story for entertainment value."

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(Image credit: Archive)

Stewart always wanted to "so badly to expose myself. I want to be understood and I want to be seen, and I want to do that in the rawest, purest, most naked way I can."

With dating women now, it's an opportunity to do that and make a point:

I would never talk about any of my relationships before, but once I started dating girls it seemed like there was an opportunity to represent something really positive. I still want to protect my personal life, but I don't want to seem like I'm protecting the idea, so that does sort of feel like I owe something to people.

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'With current girlfriend Alicia Cargile in May'

(Image credit: Archive)

She's still figuring out the balance of how much to say. "How do you feel like you're not being stolen from yet at the same time not guard yourself to the point of depriving yourself of so much goodness in life?" She's spent sleepless nights just thinking about that, but "nothing killed me. I was skinny as hell, I looked crazy, but I was fine. I now have faith in my body to carry on, and that has made me a better actor."

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Alyssa Bailey
Alyssa Bailey

Alyssa Bailey is the news and strategy editor at, where she oversees coverage of celebrities and royals (particularly Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton). She previously held positions at InStyle and Cosmopolitan. When she's not working, she loves running around Central Park, making people take #ootd pics of her, and exploring New York City.