Kristen Stewart on Her Relationship with Robert Pattinson: "It Stopped Being Real Life, and That Was Gross to Me"

In 2012, a press-shy Kristen Stewart released a public apology to Robert Pattinson, her Twilight costar and boyfriend of nearly four years, after she was photographed kissing Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. "This momentary indiscretion has jeopardized the most important thing in my life, the person I love and respect the most, Rob. I love him, I love him, I'm so sorry," she said. Outlets worldwide printed it.

But the disintegration of Robsten then was in part due to just how public their showmance-turned-off-screen-romance had become. "People wanted me and Rob to be together so badly that our relationship was made into a product," Stewart explained to T Magazine in a new interview out today. "It wasn't real life anymore. And that was gross to me." She was closed because "it's not that I want to hide who I am or hide anything I'm doing in my life. It's that I don't want to become a part of a story for entertainment value."

Stewart always wanted to "so badly to expose myself. I want to be understood and I want to be seen, and I want to do that in the rawest, purest, most naked way I can."

With dating women now, it's an opportunity to do that and make a point:

I would never talk about any of my relationships before, but once I started dating girls it seemed like there was an opportunity to represent something really positive. I still want to protect my personal life, but I don't want to seem like I'm protecting the idea, so that does sort of feel like I owe something to people.

She's still figuring out the balance of how much to say. "How do you feel like you're not being stolen from yet at the same time not guard yourself to the point of depriving yourself of so much goodness in life?" She's spent sleepless nights just thinking about that, but "nothing killed me. I was skinny as hell, I looked crazy, but I was fine. I now have faith in my body to carry on, and that has made me a better actor."

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