The other day, my friend Ryan explained my way with women…
"I really think you feel bad saying you don't like a girl. So, you find a way to sabotage it and make it go away."
It was the first time someone laid it out so clearly for me, and it made perfect sense. It's ironic that the last thing I ever want to do to anyone is disappoint them, but my methods of doing that end up disappointing them greatly.
"If you like a girl, Rich, you won't find a way to do something so stupid that she's going to go away."
He was right—the girls that I really do find myself liking, I don't do anything stupid. I carefully choose what I say out of respect and I keep things measured. I don't get so wasted that I'm jumping around like a buffoon (and believe me I do enjoy doing that when I can). When a girl is around that I like, I find myself comfortable, subdued, and focused. When I don't give a crap about what a girl thinks, or if she ends up with me at the end of the night, I just let myself loose…or go eat.
At my friend's wedding a fake-boobed Filipino girl took a liking to me. I'm half-Filipino, and my sisters and I have never kept it real with dating the Filipinos, much to my dad's chagrin. My white friends (for some reason, white guys LOVE Filipino girls) would not let me out of hooking up with this girl. I really just wanted to keep drinking and act like an idiot with my friends. But they all implored me to hook up with her: "do it for us, at least" they all said. I guess the chance of hooking up with a fake-boobed Filipino intrigued them. So, like any good friend, I complied. I took the girl back to my hotel room and jumped into the bed. I then proceeded to have the most emotionless hookup I ever had. It felt like when someone makes you try a new food and you just swallow it really fast without chewing it with your eyes closed and then immediately chase it with water.
So, Ryan's words once again made perfect sense. When I'm with the right girl, will I ever want to watch SportsCenter instead? Will I curtail my ignorant drinking habits? I know I will. There are a handful of girls that can get me focused, can get me intrigued, and get me making an effort.
Ryan is somewhat of a prophet when it comes to dating. It's good to step back and look at things. Girls, I'm sure you know this: guys do love sitting around and trying to figure it all out. We just do it in big heart to hearts, and not consistent snippets. So, next time I see the prophet, we will have another summit and figure it all out.