How Many Drinks Are Too Many?

A lot of you have advised me to lay off the liquor to increase my success with girls. I have to say that I basically agree with this sentiment.

But is there a point where a bit of a buzz actually helpsloosen me up, and makes me more assertive (opens in new tab)? I decided to map out how I react to drinking on a given night, and try to figure out where everything starts to go wrong:

1-4 Drinks

I'm kind of a lightweight, so alcohol gets to me quickly. At this level, I'm actually pretty effective. This is where I start to loosen up and feel more at ease. I usually don't have too much trouble on an average night, but a little buzz will help me start to meet girls in a crowded bar or a party full of people. When it's loud and crowded, drinking helps take that edge off and helps me blend in with the crowd. The key here is that I'm still speaking at regular volume, and capable of making intelligent, clever jokes/conversation.

5-8 Drinks

Unfortunately, this is how much I drink on an average weekend or at work events or weddings. Already, at 5-8 drinks, my cleverness is slipping away and I'm starting 

to get louder. I'm approaching girls even easier than when I was buzzed but at this point, I'm starting to resort to low-quality tactics. I'll walk up to a girl and blurt out something stupid like:

"Whoa you are so hot!"

Or, I will immediately give her a nickname (usually not very flattering): (opens in new tab)

"My friends have been calling you Julia Roberts with '80's Bowl Cut chick all night!"

My charm is still hanging on by a thread. I am not damaging my name quite yet, but it's all starting to go downhill. Toward seven or eight drinks, my buddies and I will begin chanting people's names to get them to pound their drinks:

Step One: Obnoxious nickname: "Hey, look at all that leather that girl is wearing! (opens in new tab) It's Zena Warrior Princess!" Step Two: Chant: "Zena, Zena, ZENA, go, go, go!"

All smoothness continues to slip away. Around 8 drinks I begin to think I'm a good dancer. Unfortunately, my dance moves are based on Michael Flatley's Riverdance mixed with cheap Usher, Justin Timberlake, and Michael Jackson accents. It's really bad. I've essentially turned into a cartoon character at this point. At this level of drinking there is a very fine line between going home with a girl and just getting so hungry I'm willing to give up any intimacy for chicken tenders and fries. But I'm usually better off getting the chicken tenders because there's no way I'm "performing" in bed because of all of the drinking.

Over 9 Drinks

The scary thing about this level is I get this very toxic mix of high emotional thinking along with some kind of strange rational thinking that is telling me that every decis

ion I make must be correct:

"Yeah, your ex will love it if you text her, Rich"

"Take your tie off and wrap it around your head like Lane in the Better Off Dead garage suicide scene. It will be hilarious, Rich"

"OH! Jitterbug is on! Unleash your George Michael impersonation on the dance floor, Rich!"

The emotional stuff is just painful. I'll think about old times, or relationships, and miss happier days of the past. After too many drinks, I forget a lot of what I did on a given night. Finally, I just end up shutting down, tired, depressed, and usually alone...unless I decided to drunk dial one of my poor friends first.

My issue is that I love drinking with my friends. (opens in new tab) And, as I start to loosen up and meet more girls I feel like I will get even more successful as I drink more. A few drinks help me meet people, but after I get too drunk I lose my tact, concentration, and effort. But I never seem to learn that there is a point of no return. I need to figure out that sweet spot where I can remain smooth and have a great time because the more I drink, the more self-destructive I tend to get.

How does drinking affect you when it comes to meeting guys? Do you have any bad stories about guys and drinking, and do you usually shy away from the guy who is too drunk when you're out? Or can he overcome this drunkenness some way?