4 Things That Make Me Unapproachable When I'm Out

How can I adjust my body language to appear more welcoming? Do you wait for guys to approach you more than you approach a guy?

It's tough enough to meet a fun girl, but I may be diminishing my chances even more because of behaviors I'm guilty of when I'm out. Can you share your opinion of the following four offenses:

Safety in Numbers?

My buddy was recently touting the advantages to going out alone, telling me it was easier to meet girls that way. I could never think of doing such a thing. First of all, I feel stronger when I'm with my friends.

Secondly, I get bored when I don't have anyone to talk to. I guess going out alone would force me to talk to someone...even a female, believe it or not. Going out alone would be a huge test. It would feel like one of those cures suggested by a shrink:

"remove yourself from your comfort zone, and you will conquer your fears."

I guess that means I'm supposed to get on a plane to conquer my fear of flying, sit down and actually watch the movie Titantic, and go out by myself once in a while to see what the night brings me.

Social group, Soldier, Troop, Team, Battle, Armour, Crew, Viking, Action film, Action-adventure game,

(Image credit: Archives)

I may have seen too many true crime shows on A&E and (I admit it) WE Channel. I fear that I resemble a psycho freak serial killer in the corner of the bar looking for yet another victim, if I'm out alone. This might prevent me from ever trying it.

Maybe there is safety in numbers anyway. Maybe not: Sometimes I end up going out with groups of girls. Those same girls tell me that if they saw me with a group of girls they'd assume I was either dating one of the girls, or that I was gay.

When I'm with a bunch of guys, we just end up getting too drunk and loud-an unapproachable horde much like that Ork army in Lord of the Rings. Foul.


When I go out with a friend or two, we end up in the corner watching the evening go by making commentary and people watching. How am I supposed to meet any ladies if I'm sequestered in the corner involved in deep conversation?

What's more, when we see a cute girl she just gets talked about and no action is taken because we area really lame. We just speculate about her and revel in her hotness.

Come to think of it, much like when I go out with a group of girls, when I'm in the corner giggling with my buddies it probably makes me look gay too.

Not Knowing When to Say When

As you know, I rely on alcohol to loosen me up a little in social situations. But I never think it's working quickly enough, so I drink too much and too fast, past that line of smoothness. Smoothness, for me, is ephemeral anyway. Once I pass that line, my biological needs change. I stop wanting female companionship, and I start wanting chicken tenders. Sad.

Body Language

A few weeks back a girl came up to me and told me her friend thought I was cute. As soon as I heard that, I figured I had to go into "cool guy" mode. I leaned against the bar and surveyed the scene without cracking a smile. I wanted to appear confident, just to make this girl more interested.

Well, it backfired. I asked her friend to tell the girl to talk to me, but the friend explained that the girl was intimidated. It all felt like an 8th grade dance, both of us sitting on opposite sides of the gym.

If she knew that all I want to do is watch Baltimore sports, listen to music and read Wikipedia-oh mix in the occasional Lifetime movie, or cheesy 80's horror flick- maybe she'd realize I wasn't intimidating.

But that would require me acting more welcoming and open so she could actually approach me and realize that I'm not an intimidating person.

Perhaps these issues can be fixed if I stop waiting for a girl to come up to me, and I take some initiative to make a move.

Do you ever approach a guy who is with his guy friends or a group of girls? Do you have opinions about a guy when you see him with all guys, all girls, or out alone? Does excessive drunkenness cancel out every other good trait in a guy for the night? How can I adjust my body language to appear more welcoming? Do you wait for guys to approach you more than you approach a guy?