I've posted about emotional/spiritual laziness (opens in new tab), but I'm afraid I've reached the final pinnacle of laziness, which includes physical laziness. I've convinced myself that dating is a physically taxing endeavor, and I wonder if I can deal with the pain. Here are a few examples:
Fighting Off Going #2 at Her Place, or Her Parents' Place
My jumpy "going number 2" habits are not good for my body. Let me frame this for you: I've been afraid of going number 2 in public for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I held it on a road trip from Tampa, Florida, all the way to Baltimore, MD, with no hotel stops in between to save me.
I can't go #2 at her place until I'm totally comfortable with her. At her place, I feel as if the timer starts as soon as I go into the bathroom. Anything over five minutes, and it's obvious that I'm going number 2. And each agonizing minute I'm trying to finish my business, I just know she'll be thinking, "What is he doing in there?"
And don't forget the aftermath of number 2: the smell that could snake out of the bathroom, awkwardly hitting both of our noses at the same time as I settle back into bed or onto the couch (opens in new tab).
Yes, I'm adept at holding it, but that doesn't mean it's not painful at the time, and later on when I finally get to do it.
Sleeping Limbs
This is the curse of the cuddle. I've mortgaged my "Man Card" many a time in this blog; admitting that I love cuddling is an example of that (opens in new tab). But there are times when we are locked in a cuddling position where only one of us is comfortable — usually her.
When my arm is precariously extended under her back or head too long, it falls asleep and aches. Of course I want to move, or adjust, but I'd blow up the whole cuddling position and ruin her comfort.
Back Pain
The drunk "give me a piggyback ride" flirtation is a rite of passage for many of my relationships (opens in new tab). I love that moment when she feels comfortable enough to jump on my back — it's symbolic and fun. But it's also painful...and to think someday I'll have to carry a girl across the threshold (opens in new tab).
The Gym
Gotta stay in shape for the lady. Putting my body through the grind (opens in new tab) at the gym is the easiest way to do this...and I hate every minute of it.
Sex
So, it's been awhile. I am sure when I am having sex again (if that ever happens), my body will go through an adjustment period just to
get used to the activity again (opens in new tab). I'm sure there are muscles somewhere that will creak while dust flies off when I finally sleep with a woman.
And I'm not even sure if I can ever be totally used to it.
Sex demands a lot of the body physically, especially if I'm in a position she likes (opens in new tab) — I'll want to hold that position as long as I can, no matter how much it hurts.
"Man" Jobs
There are a whole host of chores and jobs that a woman will think: "Oh, well, I have Rich now; he can take care of that." That ranges from housework to outdoor work to carrying boxes to killing gross things (which causes mental pain as well), etc.
Kids
When I play with my nieces, I literally get my butt kicked (opens in new tab). I'm so tired by the end of the day, being on the bottom of human piles, letting them beat me up (probably not the best example to set), etc., and when I'm seriously dating, I'll want her family to like me (opens in new tab), which means I might have to endear myself to whatever kids are around.
I suppose women go through pain too.The process of "looking good" (opens in new tab) can be physically painful, (those thin, toe-cram shoes you wear sometimes can't be comfortable (opens in new tab)).
Or maybe it's the waxing (opens in new tab)? Hair seems to be a painful undertaking for women. When I see a girl getting ready to go out, the hair "tools" look like an array of torture-chamber devices (opens in new tab). That straightener thing is intimidating, as it "heats up."
Every time one of my girl friends leaves a party or event, it's a 25-step process of unstrapping, loosening, changing, starting with the shoes. Is this the most painful part of dating for you physically, or is it something else? Do you agree with any of mine above?
Follow me on Twitter:twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
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