I have a major problem: I hate myself when I'm naked.
One time I was lying in bed, naked, chatting with a girl. During our conversation, she asked me to get up and turn on the light. Five main problems with this request:
1. I was naked.
2. I would have to get out from under the covers to turn on the light, thus exposing my nakedness.
3. Once the light was on, I'd be visible.
4. I was naked.
5. I was naked.
Overridden with anxiety I mustered: "I can't do that. I'm...naked."
She couldn't believe her ears.
I wondered why she couldn't just be the one to turn on the light. No one, including her, would argue that she looks better naked than I do. So, she should be the one to get out of the bed — naked — and turn on the lights — naked — so I could see her...naked.
I've clammed up in the face of nakedness much like the sad "light switch" story many times.
I've had a lot of opportunities to skinny-dip with people over the years, but I've always shied away.
Logic dictates that I should be able to pinpoint something about my naked body that I wish I could improve.
But I don't need more muscles. I am aware that most women don't want me to look like Fabio. I don't have any hair on my back. I'm lucky. Believe me, if I did have hair on my back, I'd be man-scaping that on the regular. I don't like my beer gut, but luckily women are not so shallow as to expect my abs to be perfect. And I'm going on a diet in 2009 anyway...promise!
So why do I hate my naked body?
Perhaps it is because naked men are gross, so I feel gross. Can any of you out there tell me that you honestly believe that a man's naked body looks better than a woman's naked body? Sometimes I wonder how women can even bring themselves to get close to our male bodies.
Lately, the gym has been a traumatic experience for me. Want to find a place where men are not afraid to be naked? Take a stroll through the men's locker room.
Why do these guys love being naked so much? They just don't care. And the scary thing is the older the men are, the less they care about being naked in the locker room. There's nothing worse than when I lean down to get my stuff out of my locker and I'm greeted by a penis to my right and an opaque butt cheek to my left. All through high school, I never once got naked in the locker room — I guess I'm afraid to be naked in front of my buddies too.
OK, I'll admit Michelangelo's "David" looks pretty good naked, but he's made of marble. Plus, he gets a lot of press. Maybe I've just been brainwashed to think he looks good.
So, my fear of being naked must be more psychological than physical. I know I don't look that bad in comparison to the "specimens" that let it all hang out in the locker room at my gym, or anyone else for that matter. If I'm with a girl who is into me, I probably shouldn't be worried that she thinks I look foul to her when naked — but isn't this a natural fear?
When you are naked, you are completely open to that other person who sees you. I don't understand why these guys at the gym don't mind being open to me when I can't even open myself up to a girl I'm getting closer to.
Thing is, they are just naked because what they are doing (showering/changing) requires nakedness. Maybe I should just give up and get naked when I'm required to and deal with it.
But everything I do with a girl has some sort of emotional symbolism, unfortunately.
Therefore, my fear may be another form of my aversion to getting close to someone. Getting naked with someone is giving yourself up to them in a way.
But maybe I'm just insecure with my own naked body as well as the general ugliness of the male naked body.
Do any of you have issues with being naked with your significant others? Do you think this is just another form of my fears of intimacy? How do you think I should get over my fears of being naked?