
You know those Brazilian-waxed, Louboutin-wearing, Cashmere Mafia bitches who only date hedge-fund managers? I'm so not one of them. I've never been attracted to a man with mega-job status, assuming he'd have a mega-ego to match. Instead, I happily go for the vet or the grade-school teacher, the kind of guy I imagine loves animals or kids, who's long on patience and compassion, even if he's short on cash.
In November, when I met a witty guy who said he worked for a major-league baseball team, I was intrigued. I asked what he did for them, and he said he had an office in the stadium and that I'd probably think his job was interesting. I assumed he was a manager, or in PR or something.
An hour into our date, I tried again. So what, exactly, did he do for the team?
"I'm . . . the mascot," he said cautiously. "Giant furry head. You know it?"
Oh, I knew it. I had even been with male friends who, rowdy and drunk, actually punched Mascot Man in his giant furry head.
I instantly did the mental math: Minus five points for the embarrassment of dating a cartoon character, whose job description included getting beer poured over his head (giant, furry). Plus two for being able to trade in my $12 nosebleed seats for a perch right behind the dugout. Plus three for what would be his instant bond with my dad. Minus 10 for the inevitable "Does he wear the head when you guys are going at it?" jokes from my male friends.
What kept me sitting in my chair was thinking about passion, and what it means to love what you do-how I'd chosen a profession that wouldn't help me put a down payment on a condo but made me happy to go to work every day, something that I know matters more than whether someone wears a Prada suit or a giant furry head.
"That's so cool that you do something you love," I said. "So how long have you been Mascot Man?"
"About nine years," he said.
That's when I said I had to get home to walk my dog. It turns out I'm more of a job snob than I thought. If he'd held the mascot post for a season, I'd think it was cute. But nine years? Does it make me a bad person that I just couldn't see myself one day cranking out little baseballs with the guy?
-
Former Vanity Fair Editor Says Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Will “Live to Regret” Not Keeping in Touch with the Royal Family
“That will come back to haunt them at a certain point.”
By Rachel Burchfield
-
Friends Kendall Jenner and Hailey Bieber Were Both at the Monaco Grand Prix—But Never Seen With Each Other
It has fans wondering if everything’s okay between the two.
By Rachel Burchfield
-
Princess Kate’s Tiara Moment at the Royal Wedding of the Year Marked a Historic Milestone for Her
She also wore some new-to-her earrings with special significance.
By Rachel Burchfield
-
The 22 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The vibes are immaculate.
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
The Best Period Sex Tips, According to Sex Experts
Who says messy can't be sexy?
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
The 20 Best Sex Games for Couples in 2023
Who said game nights need to be wholesome?
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
The 14 Best Lubes for Every Need
Good sex should always go smoothly.
By Gabrielle Ulubay
-
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce
-
100 Sex Songs That Won't Make You Cringe
Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.
By The Editors
-
75 Real Sex Scenes in Movies
These actors aren't faking anything.
By Mehera Bonner
-
33 Unexpected Valentine's Day 2023 Date Ideas
A.k.a. not dinner and roses.
By The Editors