Like Justin Timberlake says 29,384 minutes into his 203,938,474-minute-long acceptance speech at the 2015 Memphis Music Hall of Fame induction ceremony Saturday, they do things a little differently down there.
After riling up the crowd with a Paradise Lost-length love letter to his hometown, the prodigal son thanked his family, starting with Jessica Biel, his partner of three years (the equivalent of 15 in Hollywood, according to him).
"Baby, I love you more than I could put into words and more than any song I could ever write," he said of his "beautiful, loving and incredibly understanding of her husband's shortcomings" wife.
Skip to the 25-minute mark for the realest bit of the highly entertaining monologue, stay for the Jimmy Fallon cameos and drunk-uncle impression.
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