I recently met a girl from out of town and we engaged in a Facebook flirtation.
As it turned out, she was in town for New Year's; we ended up celebrating together and ended up at my apartment.
We fell asleep and kissed a bit. The next day I got a text from her:
"Boy you sure know how to resist temptation."
It turned out that I made the right decision.
She made a week-long visit to NYC a month later for Fashion Week, and I told her we could hang out that Saturday. Friday she was going to a party for a friend, and Saturday she had to be mellow because she was traveling Sunday, so I planned to take her to a wine bar.
That Friday, I came down with a cold but checked in anyway. The text conversation was as follows:
ME: "What time are you heading to the party?"
HER: "Around 11."
ME: "Not feeling well, but will try to make it out."
Keep in mind, I didn't get any "hope you feel better," or "don't worry, let's just hang out Saturday" texts. After I waited (what must have been too long) a while to assess my ability to go out and drink, I got the following text from her:
"Where are you? Hurry up."
OK (record scratch). A handful of people in my life are allowed to make demands like that: basically my close friends and family. I had not committed to meeting her on Friday night either. I finally shut it down by texting:
"Too sick, I can't make it out."
She eventually texted, around 2AM: "Well I'm sick too, so I can still makeout with you."
At this point, I decided to just have her over. I still intended to see her on Saturday as well because I had made that promise.
I texted her my address and she said she'd be over after one last drink.
Then a strange thing happened: a pack of chicken flavor Ramen noodles revealed the truth to me.
I began making Ramen and frantically stood over the water, trying to will it to boil. I felt the pressure of her invading army, hunting me down to ruin my Ramen experience. If she showed up before I finished eating my Ramen, I would be crushed. All I wanted was to be alone with my Ramen and a really bad '80's movie that I'd find by trolling TNT-type channels. I guess I wasn't that into her after all.
Unbeknownst to me, meanwhile, her phone battery died, so she didn't have a way to refer to my address. She eventually called and we agreed to get in touch Saturday to hang out. Everything seemed fine, but perhaps the following statement I made rubbed her the wrong way:
"OK, so I'll give you a call, but you call me if I forget."
Any way I look at that statement it doesn't seem very nice. I guess I was just showing her I wasn't too interested anymore. But I still intended to make an effort to see her Saturday, because I had promised...
...until I innocently logged in to Facebook the next day. To my surprise, she had taken the liberty to skewer me on her Facebook status:
"All guys are jerks, screw them all."
I really didn't think I had been that much a jerk, considering I had promised Saturday, and still checked in on Friday-and I was legitimately sick that night.
So, that was the boiling (Ramen) point. I didn't call her on Saturday.
There was no communication between us for the next few weeks. Just when I figured everyone had moved on I got a message from her on Facebook.
Early in our flirtation, she had given me a contact so I could help a friend of mine secure an internship. Her message read:
"You know that contact I gave you? Don't use it."
I thought that was kind of petty, and a little low class, but I took the high road:
"No worries, my friend got an internship, I didn't use it. Hope all is well!"
If a girl acts with class after things don't work out, a guy will question his decision much more than if she behaves strangely. Every one of her actions since the "fallout" has made me think: "thank goodness I didn't do more than kiss her that night, and she keeps confirming that I made the right decision."
Do you think I behaved badly in this situation? Do you agree that it's best to just walk away when something doesn't work out, instead of getting vindictive? Am I leading women on when I see them and contact them just to be nice, without being sure of how I feel?