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A Blind Karaoke Non-Date: How I Met Barnaby Jepperdoom

A Blind Karaoke Non-Date: How I Met Barnaby Jepperdoom




Mr. Barnaby Jepperboom, lamb, mensch, sweetheart that he is DID call last night, in fact, and DID ask me if I'd like to hang out soon. (He's been having a crappy week himself, and is feeling a bit saturnine.)


It's probably about time for me to tell you guys more about him, isn't it?


We met after a mutual friend, who'd been reading my blog, suggested that I hang out with him. ("Maybe he's blog-worthy!" she said.) My friend is brilliant and sweet, and recommended Barnaby using similar terms, so my curiosity was piqued enough that I checked his Facebook page. And--oh, joy!--a total hottie beamed out at me: enormous brown eyes, big boyish grin, short dirty-blonde hair. There was even one of him lying down on his towel at the beach, and as far as I could tell, the temperature was hot, hot, hot. 


But ... 


After the first twenty photos or so, as I kept clicking, he kept getting ... bigger ... and bigger ... and bigger. In a preponderance of pictures, he appeared to be quite large. Was he a "secret internet fattie"? Hmm. I revisited that pic of him on the beach and confirmed that it was no camera trick, no question of the perfect angle: He was downright svelte--in some of the shots, anyway.


I wrote back to my friend, saying: "I'd like to meet him, but let's just keep it as a friendly thing. I see that his weight seems to fluctuate--and I find that when people are carrying extra weight, they snore! And snoring is a deal-breaker for me."


(Which is true. But it's also true that corpulence per se is also a deal breaker. I just didn't want to come off like a complete prig by saying that.)


My friend wrote back and said, "Fair enough. Although I should tell you: Barnaby used to be overweight, it's true. A couple years back, however, with some help from a nutritionist, he lost a ton of weight. Which means now he's an excessively handsome dude, without the huge ego to go along with his looks!"




Anyway, I wrote Barnaby saying we should become buddies--I think the casual approach is best when it comes to a friend of friend, even if he IS single and hot--and also mentioned that if he was interested in coming along, I'd planned a little outing for that weekend to the Karaoke Night at Hope+Anchor Diner. 


After Barnaby agreed to come, he and I decided to met up beforehand, just the two of us, at Sonny's, so we could get to know each other a little first. About five minutes in to our first conversation, we got to the point where he was like, "I don't know why I'm telling you all this stuff," and I was like, "I don't mind if you don't." One of the things that came up was his weight loss, and I was impressed both by his candor and his ability to change habits that had been with him a lifetime. He'd always thought it was simply his genetic destiny to be fat--but after his physician suggested he see a nutritionist, Barnaby changed the way he was eating, began working out ... and eventually he transformed himself.  ... 


A few hours later, we were doing the karaoke thing with my friends, and Barnaby was sitting next to me on the banquette when he said, "Wow. Fishnets. You're wearing fishnets. I didn't see them till now. It's just hitting me how hot you are."


I turned to him. "Well, considering you've had about 6 Bud Lights by this point, that is not a compliment, pal."


He sunk his face into his hands ... and then peeked out to say, "Can I touch them? Please?"


I laughed. Very gently, he put his hand on my knee and squeezed. Then he pulled me up to sing a duet with him--Dylan's Positively Fourth Street. Later, I drove him home, and he invited me up--was his suggestion that I use his computer to determine the best route home just a pretext?--but I declined. (It was late, I was tired, I liked him A LOT--but maybe I didn't like-him-like-him.)


Yet, on the ride back to Maura Kelly Headquarters, it occurred to me that I'd had one of the best New York nights I'd had in a long time ... and it seemed Barnaby was a big part of the reason why.


Hmm ... 


But, folks, I've gone on long enough about this now. More tomorrow!



* * * 

Also, here's a poem by the illustrious Deb Garrison about the appeal of firemen. Thank you, Daniel, for sending this in!


* * * 



Commenters, my dears: I ALWAYS read what you have to say (in fact, I frequently check OBSESSIVELY to see if you've written) and your notes ALWAYS cheer me up ... so thank you.


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