During the holidays, you can only operate in one of two modes if you want to live past January 2: six-parties-in-one-night, zigzag-ing-cross-town "I wanna be where the people are"-ness or sequestering yourself in your home with an extra-large mug of ginger tea to jumpstart your liver. Nobody really cares if you don't go out, but here's a tip for true-feeling selective fact disclosure: Blame it on your beauty routine. Here, five temporarily ugly-making treatments to use as handy excuses/do when you're already shutting yourself off from the world.
1. Extractions
Whether you DIY with one of those loopy tools or see an aesthetician (preferred), your face will not emerge unscathed—but then, a few days later, once the swelling and possible breakout has subsided, you will look like Gisele. Even though all you need is a bag of frozen peas, a good concealer, and your simultaneously battered but inflated self-esteem to prepare for the great outdoors, why not time it so you emerge at the height of your glowy-ness?
2. Chemical Peels
Mainly for the reason that animals will hop onto your lap to lick at your face, thinking it's a cut of raw top sirloin. Also, it will probably also feel tender (in addition to looking it).
3. Major Eyebrow Work
Because plucking the wrong hair can be like demolishing a load-bearing wall, only with even greater financial and emotional distress, because unlike architecture, bad brows cannot be fixed with plaster and labor. To do: sob, attempt grafting tufts taken from your head, ultimately become the Egon Schiele of the eyebrow pencil.
4. Derma-Planing
Technically, this procedure—which involves a professional using a scalpel to manually exfoliate the outer layers of dead skin cells and peach fuzz for a brighter complexion— is pain-free, but you might want to leave some cushion room for any accidental Sweeney Todd-ing, you know?
5. Waxing, At-Home or Otherwise
So you can roam around pants-less, thereby reducing friction and in-growns. And time spent wearing trousers.
Bonus: Eyelash-Growth Serum That Reddens Your Eyes to Vampire-Junkie Levels
@SadderDre We're sorry to hear about this! Please let our friends at @dominos_uk know of this so they can help. *EVSeptember 1, 2014
I swear I sprouted new hairs the first time I used GrandeLash, but it also made me look as high as those people who keep tweeting Domino's to complain about missing toppings. This is why I reserve it for when I don't have to see anybody (important). (Before ignoring the directions on the box that say to discontinue use in case of irritation, LISTEN TO YOUR EYE DOCTOR, NOT ME. /end not taking responsibility for injuries)
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