Hey, Emma Stone: Lemme Borrow That Top

Hi Em,

Can I call you that, Emma Stone? I mean, I'm sure you probably get this a lot—lol—but it really just feels like we could be friends, you know? Like, the kind of friends who communicate with a look, who send each other memes, who borrow each other's clothes. Listen, you don't know me from a hole in the wall. I am but a wee cog in the celebrity industrial complex, a silly little writer looking for some SEO scraps so I can get through my shift and collect payment (and then make my rent).

But I digress. Friends like us do that sometime, don't we, Emma?

I guess this is just a little note for me to say: hey Emma, can I borrow that top? You know the one, right? That you wore to The Curse FYC even in New York City on December 29th while hanging out with your collaborators Benny Safdie and Nathan Fielder at the Midnight Theatre? You paired it with a fabulously long, black coat, simple shoes and jeans, and—of course—that "is it leather or is it not?"-level shiny, beautifully structured, top. Remember?

Yeah, that's the one!

I love it! So much! Can I borrow it? Like maybe just for a day? Like, I know we aren't the same size or anything (I'm 5'11" and hovering somewhere around 180 pounds and yes I am very brave for publishing that on the internet, thank you for noticing!), but maybe it'll work! Like The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, but it's a shirt? If those girls could all fit into that same goddamn pair of magical pants, maybe there's a chance for this shirt and I to work it out. Maybe there's a chance that this silly moment actually happens—that you let me borrow that top and I wear it and it somehow magically fits—and it's the start of a beautiful story, you know?

Because, the thing is, my dear good friend Emma Stone, is that I have a hot date on Tuesday with a man I really, really seem to like and I would like to look hot on my first date with him.

So like, I dunno, call me crazy, but: can I borrow that top? Lemme know!

Your Bestie,
Alicia