Do you love your job? Because if not, we highly encourage you to drop everything and troll the British Royal Family's open positions, because they are not messing around. This crew has a lot of needs (gilded frame restoration, anyone?) and the time has come for you to help a sister-friend out. And by "sister-friend," we mean the queen.
While the royal jobs page (opens in new tab) is always a joy to behold, the current openings are especially wonderful. Please apply to the below positions ASAP, if for no other reason than being able to say, "Ugh, hold on, Kate Middleton is calling."
1. Linen Keeper, £17,778 per annum
If you don't have a passion for linen, this is not the job for you. Responsibilities include "ensuring the cloth matches the magnificence of the banqueting table," making sure "all linen requirements are met to the highest standards" (note: unclear what "linen requirements" are), and conserving linen for "future generations." So basically, the future of mankind is in your hands. Apply here (opens in new tab).
^Prince Harry offers a glimpse at just how seriously the royal family takes linen.
2. Gilded Furniture and Frames Intern, £18,330 per annum. (Though frankly, whoever lands this job should be paying the royal family for the experience.)
Ideal candidates will already possess "a good knowledge of how to restore giltwood surfaces," so if that's not you, bye. If it is you, you'll have the pleasure of getting your gild on with "traditional guilding techniques, including gesso replacement, oil and water treatment, and blend matching." Blend matching, guys! BLEND MATCHING! Apply here (opens in new tab).
^In case you're unclear about what gilding is, here's an example from Queen Bey.
3. Prints and Drawings Intern, £16,087.50 per annum
Description: This job is advertised as "helping present magnificent art," which sounds simply heavenly. Like, "be right back, gotta go present this magnificent art real quick!" That could be you. The Prints and Drawings team work with over 150,000 pieces dating all the way back to 1450, and their fate is in the balance. No pressure, or anything. Apply here (opens in new tab).
^Harry gets it.
4. Groundskeeper of "Ornamental Lawns", £16,500 per annum
We know, being a groundskeeper doesn't sound as glamorous as gilding a bunch of random furniture. But! In the event that you are, in fact, experienced in the art of maintaining "ornamental lawns," check out this flawless job description: "It's admiring your lawn before millions do the same. It's taking every opportunity to make your mark." Sold. Apply here (opens in new tab).
^Based on this evidence you might be working alongside Prince Harry, just so you know.
5. Person Who Chills in a Library (Read: Cataloguer), £20,000 per annum
Want to pull a Belle from Beauty and the Beast and just lay low with a bunch of dusty books all day? Come hither, friends. The Royal Family is looking for a cataloguer for their library and archives, who is adept at "enhancing records." No clue what that means, but hopefully this is code for scrapbooking. Apply here (opens in new tab).
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Mehera Bonner is a celebrity and entertainment news writer who enjoys Bravo and Antiques Roadshow with equal enthusiasm. She was previously entertainment editor at Marie Claire and has covered pop culture for over a decade.
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