An Exhaustive List of Things That Made Me Cry This Week

As my mother always loved to say—often while drying her eyes with the memories of my childhood—after you have a baby, you cry at everything. But for me, my fall from cold, calloused grace didn't require gestation; it simply happened over night. One day, puppies and old people and American Idol were meaningless, and the next, they were all emotional landmines.

But rather than give in to the haters (a.k.a. my boyfriend's eye-rolling) I have decided to embrace my leaky heart and share it with you. So without further ado:

Everything That Made Me Cry This Week

1. Watching an old woman on a park bench blowing bubbles at a baby

2. The baby

3. When the delivery guy forgot to give me the salmon for my salmon salad

4. The Extra gum commercial

5. Dropping and smashing a full carton of eggs on the kitchen floor

6. Realizing I’ll probably never get carded again

7. When Chuck finally proposed to Blair in Gossip Girl after 1000 years of will-they-won’t-they build-up

8. Being 1000 years late to watching Gossip Girl for the first time

9. This sweet, tone-deaf photo of my 83-year-old grandma

10. The realization that my grandma is old

11. Accidentally stepping on a dog’s paw on the sidewalk

12. Trump—just in general

13. When my boyfriend randomly patted me on the head

14. The pivotal scene in Rudy when Rudy finally gets accepted into Notre Dame

15. Thinking about how Sean Astin, a.k.a. Samwise Gamgee, a.k.a. Doug Whitmore, a.k.a. Bob Newby, is such an underrated actor

16. The Extra gum commercial again

17. Daydreaming about the last cookie waiting for me at home, then finding out that my boyfriend ate it

18. This pregnancy reveal video

19. Carrying my giant bag of laundry 12 blocks through terrible weather

20. Discovering I left my wallet and quarters at home

21. Stumbling upon the Harry Potter clip when Dumbledore asks, “Lily? After all this time?” And Snape whispers, “Always,” whizzing his wand around and ramming it into my heart

22. Still being allergic to cheese

23. Feeling like I needed to cry, but not knowing why

24. My period