My Secret Triple-Ds: The Story of a Fashion Girl's Troublesome Boobs
Duct tape, sports bras, and learning to see the cup (size) as half full.
If you want to know what Fashion Boobs look like, Gucci showed a succession of gossamer dresses for Spring 2016 that bared, like all sheer tops on all runways, the models' breasts underneath.
Fashion Boobs are convex, the outer curve tracing the edge of a circle shallowly. They fall inward but not so far that you lose that flat expanse of sternum between. They're compact and buoyant enough to rest gently above the elastic band of a tulle trompe l'oeil bra the size and density of a cocktail napkin.
I don't have Fashion Boobs. Not even close.
Amongst my failings as a fashion editor, this one bothers me the least—what am I supposed to do about it? (More cardio? Less soy? TELL ME.) But it's more than a minor problem some mornings when my sports bra shows under a tissue turtleneck or when I'm trying to fit into a top by a designer who cuts for a smaller chest. It's just that everything would be a little easier if I weren't officially a 30DDD.
There's a sort of sartorial IDGAF-ery you can get away with when you have Fashion Boobs: very high or very low necklines, all-over volume, stuff that would be too in-your-face sexy on anything other than a two-dimensional-ish front. It's a fact that clothes hang and drape better when there aren't any major protrusions to contend with.
So that's why I fake it with power mesh and Lycra and, once, duct tape à la Kim Kardashian—only once not because it hurt but because it's just too lumpy and crunches when you give hugs.
My DDD diagnosis, courtesy of the expert bra fitters at lingerie brand Chantelle, is pretty recent—up until last month, I'd apparently been wearing (as we all apparently are) the wrong bra size. So they gave me my marching orders: Go down a band size and up, like, nine cup sizes. (Fine, two.) Coming out from behind the screen with this new piece of information, I felt a) semi-okay with it because sizing is just an arbitrary combination of numbers and letters that only represent one version of reality, but b) also kind of horrified because A DDD-CUP—that's Dolly Parton territory right there.
Stay In The Know
Marie Claire email subscribers get intel on fashion and beauty trends, hot-off-the-press celebrity news, and more. Sign up here.
I spent the rest of the day half-incredulously, half-challengingly sharing the news with anybody who'd passed the casual acquaintance mark, like "Can you believe MY BOOBS? THEY'RE FREAKISH, I TELL YOU." The people I work with, the ones who understand, politely said "you hide it well," which goes to show that no one notices anything, nor do they care.
Regretfully, a revelation of cartoonish proportions and a new, fuller-coverage bra (they're not lying when they say the right size makes all the difference) weren't enough to persuade me to give up my boob-camouflaging ways. But it did make me think about the paradox of acceptance and improvement we face as women. Do I have to love my body exactly as it is? Is it so wrong if I try to reshape it to be how *I* want it? That's where my DDD-disguising comes from—not from shame or embarrassment but from the place where my ideal self lives.
Still, maybe one day my "problematic" boobs won't have to be pressed flat against the bodice of a dress that fits everywhere else. Maybe one day I'll find a dress in which my unbound boobs look satisfactory, even good. That's the hopeful, self-making beauty of fashion: Nothing is impossible.
Follow Marie Claire on Instagram for the latest celeb news, pretty pics, funny stuff, and an insider POV.
Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at Marie Claire. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.
-
Zendaya Delivers a Podium-Worthy Pre-Olympics Gown
She's shining brighter than the City of Lights.
By Halie LeSavage Published
-
'Love Island USA' Star Kenny Rodriguez Is Not "Playing Around" with His and JaNa Craig's Romance Outside of the Villa
The prince and princess of season 6 have remained the cutest couple since filming wrapped.
By Quinci LeGardye Published
-
So Many Celebrity Beauty Favorites Are in Nordstrom's Anniversary Sale
Shop Jennifer Lopez, Meghan Markle, and Kaia Gerber's beloved picks.
By Julia Marzovilla Published
-
30 Linen Pieces From Nordstrom’s Sale for a Seamless Summer to Fall Transition
Shop breezy dresses and airy pants for versatile summer and autumn outfits.
By Lauren Tappan Published
-
7 Make-My-Life-Easier Items I'm Buying From the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale
Grab these must-haves before it's too late.
By Nikki Ogunnaike Published
-
The Best Summer Work Shoes Don’t Have To Scream ‘Corporate'
Footwear that means business in the best way possible.
By Lauren Tappan Published
-
34 Chic Vacation Essentials Hiding in Nordstrom's Anniversary Sale
Don't board the plane without packing these items first.
By Lauren Tappan Last updated
-
The Boxer Shorts Trend Offers a Realistic Take on Lingerie Dressing
How the borrowed-from-the-boys bottom became a hero summer piece with endless style potential.
By Emma Childs Published
-
Fashion Girls Are Destined to Wear the J.Crew x Maryam Nassir Zadeh Collaboration on Vacation
Beloved indie designer Maryam Nassir Zadeh translated her essentials into the ultimate packing list.
By Halie LeSavage Published
-
I'm a Style Editor—50 Last-Minute Prime Day Fashion Deals to Grab Before Tomorrow
Grab these on-sale items before it’s too late.
By Lauren Tappan Last updated
-
Fashion Editors Share the Best Work Dresses From Their Summer Uniform
From classic wrap silhouettes to breezy linens, these are the expert-approved styles we're wearing on repeat.
By Lauren Tappan Published