Masturbation And Me

I started masturbating in 7th grade. The ammo was a tattered 1978 Playboy. After a bunch of times looking through it without incident, I eventually just found myself masturbating without even realizing it and—boom—it happened.

I was so happy because a lot of the older boys on my soccer team would talk about masturbating and I had no stories to share until I finally did it.

Of course, my anxiety took over after I did it for the first time. I was convinced that I was shooting blanks: either very few sperm or none at all! My parents had an old fashioned microscope in their office at home. I decided I would take a drop of whatever was coming out and take a closer look. So, one day I made a slide, took a look and...blurriness. Results inconclusive...

My masturbation habits grew exponentially in high school. Man, I was so fit in those days. Lazy summer afternoons would produce two to four masturbation sessions, sometimes inspired by just a sliver of cleavage on TV. Throughout high school, despite the other guys talking about it, I was so worried that I was the only guy in the school that masturbated as much as I did. I worried that if anyone knew how much I did it, they would think I was a perverted freak.

By the time college rolled around, I was totally comfortable. In fact, my roommate senior year and I were so comfortable with each other that one of us would say to the other:

"Dude, I just need about five minutes..."

That would mean that the other person would honor the request and leave the person alone with himself for some time to his business.

We were indeed comfortable with each other by this time. When some girls that lived in a nearby sorority hung a banner on our house as a prank, my roommate who was the only one home at the time (I lived in a house with four other guys), looked spooked when we asked if he had heard them hanging the banner. We asked him what was wrong. He said:

"Well I was jacking off on the couch. I wonder if they saw me through the window."

We didn't even ask him why he was pleasing himself on our living room couch. Instead, we asked him:

"Cool, so what were you jacking off to?"

Guys masturbate when they are bored, and they do it regularly. It's part of the daily schedule. We masturbate when we can't sleep. It's strange how the differences persist between men and women.

Is it because our orgasm is lame compared to a woman's? If our orgasm is like fast food, a woman's is like a highly rated famous restaurant. Therefore, we can just do it over and over again, whenever it's convenient. Women can be satisfied with a good, solid orgasm and coast on that for a while. Well, at least I think they can.

Look, we have to use our hands—and lotion. I don't use lotion and a lot of guys think I'm insane, but I never got into lotion. If we use anything other than lotion and/or hand, then that gets into weirdness. But vibrators and dildos are acceptable. Man, if we had something equal to a vibrator or dildo that was acceptable we'd be even worse! So, it must be that a woman's orgasm is more fulfilling. Honestly, I don't even know why you do it with guys when vibrators are so much better than us.

Masturbation is such a double-edged sword for me. On one hand, it keeps me from doing stupid things. Even when drunk, I can tell myself:

"Just walk away from this random girl, don't do anything stupid. You can just go home and masturbate for five minutes and you will be happy you didn't take her home. Make a mistake and commit to 12 hours of time spent with her."

On the other hand (no pun intended), masturbation—in excess—withdraws me from the game and makes me far too comfortable on my own. It makes me shy away from the challenge of physical intimacy and mental connections with a special person.

Maybe I should try to cut down so I can be more on a girl's schedule. Do you feel that women do not masturbate nearly as much as men? Are you comfortable discussing it amongst one another like we are? Am I right that vibrators rule? And, am I right that a girl's orgasm is better than a guy's? Is masturbation more of a special event for a girl than a scheduled part of the day—like it is for a guy? Have you ever gotten too into your vibrator, or is the real thing always better?