They say persistence pays, but—of course—if we try to apply this rule to the dating world, it's turned on its head.
I have never seen a situation where being persistence in the initial stages has landed a girl. I used to go about it according to the saying: I'd let a girl know I was into her and I'd try different ways to get in touch with her.
This doesn't mean I bothered her three times a day with calls and emails. But, if I didn't hear back from her after my first attempt, I'd usually try again a week later. Since those dark ages, I've told myself that if a girl wants to get in touch with me, she will do so after my first call...and if she's going to make me play games and chase her, then she's not worth it.
Indeed, the person who is being pursued holds most of the power. The movie Swingers uses the metaphor of a wolf chasing a rabbit. But, this oversimplifies it. When a guy is chasing a girl, he does not exhibit the grace of a cat, a bird of prey, shark, or wolf. He actually looks more like a baby carnivore that barely fit walk, let alone pursue and catch prey.
Pursuing a girl is much more complex than the hunter and the hunted in the wild. It's a battle of minds, and it depends on circumstance, timing, and discipline. Unfortunately, it sounds more like war.
Which characteristic do you appreciate more when being pursued? Aggressiveness—like a hunter...or someone who is more like a soldier: stoic?
Here are some examples of persistence that I have seen fail right before my eyes:
My friend met a guy out and gave it a shot with him, and decided she wasn't attracted to him. She stopped texting and emailing him back, but he kept going for weeks afterward. Not only did he keep texting, but each text he sent proposed getting together. Each text was also saturated with comments about how great she was. This got old real quick. So, this proved to me: even persistent "good" things like comments and asking for dates can go sour.
Another friend of mine went to some awful club called "Home"—you know the kind where the bouncers randomly pick out whoever they want to go in based on how many girls they are with or how much money they look like they have? It was here that my friend met "Troy". I only knew Troy through his texts. He texted my friend so much that she accused me of playing a joke on her—I wish I had the ability to play this kind of joke. Joey's big thing was ending everything with "Love"...the two had never been on a date:
"So you want to get together, love?'
Another friend of mine met a guy out randomly and he texted her the next day. A few days later, after not being texted back, he wrote:
"I guess I should have waited the pre-requisite two days to get in touch with you. Why else would you not want to text back this dashingly handsome guy you met at the bar."
What confused messaging. Is complimenting yourself like that cute? I've never tried that one. This guy kept texting and asking her out until finally he waved the white flag a few weeks later:
"Ok, I get it. You know where I am if you need me."
So, here's an amazing link for you all—someone must have gotten fed up with some persistence, and decided to embarrass this guy. It has it all, anger, self-complimenting. Enjoy:
Ok, so that's a bit extreme, but isn't persistence always extreme? Think about it: Chinese Water Torture, heat in a room with a broken air conditioner, a gnat that buzzes around your head for hours, a long boring car ride?
So let me ask you: does persistence ever pay? Do you ever make a guy call back a few times even though you're interested? Do you agree with my theory that I should just reach out once with no follow up? Have you ever ended up just being worn down and ended up giving in to a guy that wouldn't stop? I sure hope not! At what point do you start feeling that a guy is being too persistent?
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