Even though we’re all adults capable of having mature and informed conversations about sex, the G-spot remains a mystery that no one seems to understand completely. It’s like Stonehenge: How did it get there, and what purpose does it serve? Though I actively choose to believe that aliens are responsible for Stonehenge, when it comes to the G-spot, there’s a little bit more research we can tap into.
Here, I debunk seven of the most commonly-heard myths about the G-spot and replace them with facts. Of course, some mysteries remain, but the more we understand, the more study can be done in support of finding out the answers.
MYTH: “The G-spot isn’t real.”
Here’s what we know: The G-spot is very real and located on the anterior wall of the vagina, usually about an inch or two inside the vaginal canal. “It will feel rich, almost like the top of your mouth, just a little bit bumpy,” says Holly Richmond, PhD., somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. She elaborates that it’s usually about the size of a dime or your pinkie finger.
Now, because all bodies are different, yours may vary in shape or location. But you’ll likely know when you’ve found it because it feels spongier than the rest of the vagina, and putting pressure on it can make you feel like you have to pee. Dr. Richmond’s advice for finding yours? “Set yourself up in a place where you’re comfortable, relax, and just take your time with it.”
MYTH: “Masturbation is the only way to find your G-spot.”
Masturbation, in general, is probably the best (and the safest) way to learn about your own anatomy. After all, there’s no worrying about STIs or what another person is thinking. It’s just you, your hands, and your body (plus a sex toy or two, if you please). In that way, yes, solo play is a fantastic way to find your G-spot and learn what it does for you.
That said, everyone is different, and while I’ll root for masturbation all day, sometimes people enjoy internal stimulation better when it’s at the hands of a partner. And that’s cool, too. “Some people with vulvas find that it’s more challenging to stimulate their own G-spot than it is to have someone else stimulate it,” says sex-positive psychologist Liz Powell, Psy.D. According to Dr. Powell, it’s easier to find your G-spot while aroused, as the area swells and becomes more prominent. Foreplay with someone you’re into may be more of a turn-on than going in solo with the express purpose of finding your G-spot. If you’re exploring on your own, I recommend reading erotica, watching porn, or fantasizing, and proceed as if G-spot exploration is just another part of your masturbation routine.
MYTH: “There’s one particular way to stimulate the G-spot.”
My magic trick for experiencing G-spot pleasure is to have a partner take two fingers and massage the inside of my vagina with a “come hither” motion, but that’s just me. For others, it may be a rabbit vibrator. Some people prefer their own hands. In fact, there is no one-size-fits-all G-spot trick. Fortunately, you could have a great time finding one that works for you.
MYTH: “G-spot stimulation is entirely different than clitoris stimulation.”
For a long time, whenever someone talked about the G-spot or G-spot orgasms, it was in a context that kept the G-spot and the clitoris separate. But the pair are actually two great erogenous zones that go great together. New research suggests that the clitoris is a much larger structure than just the little bump at the top of the vulva. In fact, it has legs that extend beyond the hood and down towards the vaginal opening. That means that the G-spot is, in fact, the internal clitoris.
Unfortunately, as with all areas of sexual health (and especially those pertaining to vaginas), more research is needed to understand the G-spot and its relation to the clit. “We know a lot about penises, and how penises work,” Dr. Powell says. “All of the sexual functioning and sexual pleasure for people with vaginas needs a lot more research.”
So the bad news is that the medical research community is, like a lot of society, patriarchal and neglectful of women’s needs. The good news? Regardless of whether the G-spot is part of the clit or something completely separate, you’re allowed to enjoy whatever kind of stimulations give you pleasure.
MYTH: “Squirting is just pee.”
Whether the fluid that comes out in an orgasmic squirt is or is not pee very well may be the biggest controversy within the sexual health community. Research exists that suggests it’s not pee, but rather fluid from the Skene’s glands that contains some pee because it’s excreted from the urethra. As a result, some sex educators will argue that squirt is not pee until the day they die. However, other research says, yup, it’s probably pee.
Controversial statement: As a person with a vagina who squirts, I don’t care if it’s pee or not. It’s dope, and I only date partners who agree. A little pee never hurt anyone and, as with the clitoral debate, more research is needed.
MYTH: “G-spot stimulation is the only way to experience squirting.”
While squirting is most associated with G-spot stimulation, that’s not the only way to achieve it. Some people with vulvas can in fact squirt from intense clitoral stimulation. “It’s rarer that people squirt from clitoral stimulation than internal, but it happens,” Dr. Powell says. This information goes to show that the G-spot may indeed be an extension of the clitoris, but the scientific community should still hand over the research grant money.
MYTH: “All people with vaginas can enjoy G-spot pleasure.”
Just as there is no trick to finding and enjoying G-spot pleasure, there’s no wrong or right way to enjoy the pleasure once you’ve found it. You may love the feeling of G-spot stimulation and it could change the way you have sex. Or you may experience little to no G-spot enjoyment. Or perhaps you’ll squirt for the first time and keep that move in your back pocket the next time you want to impress a date. “If you don’t like G-spot stimulation, that’s great; if you do like G-spot stimulation, that’s great. If it’s somewhere in the middle, that’s great too,” says Dr. Powell. Different strokes for different folks. Literally.