Do Girls Who Don't Fall For for Nice Guys Finish Last?

I went on a date with an incredibly nice--and quite sexy--dude last week. And he smooched me afterwards, and asked me out again! Why am I not more completely thrilled?

Dudes:

(Shall we have a vote on whether people prefer "dudes" or "lovelies" by way of address? Perhaps I'll mix it up.)

My dear pal Duval (opens in new tab) took me to another happenin' party a couple nights ago, hosted by some (very sweet) writer guy. His place was near the Chinatown Whole Foods and branches of lightning were flashing vividly in the East Village sky as I arrived in the pouring rain. In the kitchen, a chef was making halibut tacos. I ran into a friend of my novelist friend Laura Dave (opens in new tab), and we chatted for a bit ... and then, a curly-haired stranger (Andy?) flirted with me, asking whether I thought it was appropriate to wear just boxer shorts when taking out the trash. (Frankly, I have no problem with it--I do it all the time!) Then I felt a tap on my shoulder, and turned around to see my darling friend Kermie Ottaw (opens in new tab)a*!

Kermie's real name means "A place that cannot be found" or "A permanent dwelling place or stronghold." And yes, he is just as hot as a person who has a name that means those things SHOULD be. Here's the run-down: he's about 6'2; visibly muscular but thin; incredibly smart; soft-spoken and humble yet full of quietly hilarious stories ... and confidence. He has this incredibly high-powered finance job ... and yet he does yoga and helps fund indie filmmakers. Seriously, it is just about impossible to find anything that's not pretty amazing about him! Even all the guys I know end up being charmed by him, and wanting him to be their BFF. He is totally New York City's Bachelor #1.

How did I get so lucky as to have him as a friend? Honestly, I have no idea. (Although it all started after I crashed a holiday party he was throwing. At the end of the night, he was standing near the door, saying good-bye to people, as I was trying to leave; and I, rather sheepishly, explained that I had not been properly invited. He didn't care a bit, and wanted to know who I was, and what my life was all about--not in a flirty way, but in a way that made me realize he is just an incredibly nice person, and excellent host, who want to make me feel at home. After that, we Facebook-friended each other, and then I tried setting him up with a friend of mine ... etc.)

Now, perhaps you are wondering why I am not totally in love with him?

Fair enough. You're not the first to ask, let me tell you. Everyone wants to know (including Duval and my other dear friend Daisy Milliner, etc, etc).

But look, first of all, it's not like he's coming by my apartment with flowers and chocolates every day, shouting up to my window, "Maura, Maura, let down your long brown hair!"

And second of all, I really value the close friendships (opens in new tab) I have with the platonic males in my life--like my old buddies from college (opens in new tab)--and sometimes, I just get the feeling I want a boy to be my friend, rather than my boyfriend. (Perhaps, in part, because I'm better at holding on to my guy friends than to my boyfriends!) Is that so wrong?

Third, perhaps most importantly, I don't feel like we have chemistry, plain and simple.