5 Things Guys Learn from Their First Love

Our dating expert reveals love lessons learned from a guy's first real relationship and how you can address challenges in yours as a result.

Compromises Are Important

Wait a second…you don't want me going out with my friends every night? Sometimes you just want me to curl up and watch a movie with you? For many men, this first love is also the first time they have been in the sort of relationship where they are asked to make a series of compromises. More accurately, it may be the first time they really wanted to make those compromises, because they valued the relationship. If you're currently a guy's first big love, ease him in slowly by explaining why these compromises are important; communication is key.

Relationships Are Uncomfortable

A guy also learns from his first love that relationships can be uncomfortable. Sometimes he says something that pisses you off, or vice versa. He may not have had fights with previous girlfriends, but as you get to know one another you see why you're fighting from time to time. That's not a bad thing, necessarily! It's you getting to know one another's boundaries. Ideally one fight on a given topic is enough; the guy learns, for example, that flirting with other women is simply not okay when you're in a serious relationship. Men learn in their first big love that uncomfortable moments in a relationship are moments of growth.


A guy may have been with women before his first love, but didn't have the same level of intimacy he has with his first real girlfriend. Most men really learn what a woman likes in bed from the woman they initally fall in love with, as it feels like a safe space to ask questions and explore. Plus there is months upon months of sex so there is time to try things out to determine what really gets his partner going. If you're in this first-love scenario, don't hold back; let him know what you enjoy sexually.

You May Not Be the One

Just because you are in love doesn't mean it is going to work out long term. Love can conquer a great deal, but long-distance relationships, being in different stages in life, and having dissimilar values can really f*ck with that. Guys learn that sometimes love isn't enough; there has to be a whole slew of other things for someone to be "the one." If you're in that sort of situation no amount of relationship advice will preserve you two, and for that I'm sorry.

Break-Ups Hurt...A Lot

Big love often equals big loss. Unless they marry their first love, men learn about heartbreak at the end of the relationship. That means they may end up scared to leap into another big one. It also means they figure out what they personally rely on to get through a breakup, be it time with friends, binge-watching T.V., drinking a lot, hooking up with other people, whatever. That first major breakup is an important learning experience, likely for you both, and sets the tone for future love and loss.


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