That first night sleeping over is a Big Deal for three reasons: 1) You get to see how the other half lives, 2) You can rate their cuddling capabilities, and 3) You can start imagining what it'd be like to do this more than, you know, once. Jumping the gun? Pfh, you try living with a person who sleeps like a starfish.
Here, we've captured all the weird, exhausting, and kinda judge-y moments that can happen during your first night together. Have fun (and you've been warned).
You turn into Mary Poppins
Makeup, extra underwear, condoms, birth control, oversized sweater, pajama pants, toothbrush, toothpaste, socks, hairspray, bra, deodorant, brush, night cream, moisturizer, flats, heels, boots, jacket, towel, crackers, water bottle, book, laptop, laptop charger, cell phone, cell phone charger, kindle (you know, in case you have downtime), extra snacks, Visine...and the other 3,439,034 things you just can't live without. Hey, you don't come just to play—you are prepared.
You judge their taste in décor (or lack thereof)
Seriously, a Bob Marley poster hung up with thumbtacks? Unless we've somehow traveled back in time to Berkley hall and we're 18 again, it's time to upgrade, dude.
You wonder who else has slept in this bed
No, really, when was the last time they washed these sheets?
You have a serious internal debate over whether you should sleep naked or in PJs
He's seen you naked, but for some reason sleeping nude just makes you feel so...exposed. And suddenly you're pulling a Christina: *Don't look at me.*
You get fussy about getting comfortable
From the mattress (it's like sleeping on bricks), to the comforter (what the hell is this scratchy nightmare?), getting comfy in a bed that is not your bed is always a struggle. Add in the fact that you just found out your bedmate LOVES to spoon (can you not?), and it's like you've just become a game show contestant on "No Sleep for You Tonight."
You have to go to the bathroom right as you're about to fall asleep
You legit can't find your clothes
"Damnit, where is my underwear?!"
You wake up before them and can't fall back asleep
It's 6 a.m. You can either pretend to sleep for the next hour and stay awake plotting your escape or you could get up now and show up early to the office, only to lose steam come 3 p.m. At this point, life sucks.
You panic about your morning-after look
This is why you came with your one-night stand survival kit! Kristen Wiig from Bridesmaids is your spirit animal.
You freak out about your breath
Remember, theirs is just as rancid—if not more so—than yours. No one wakes up smelling like daffodils with the breath of an angel.
You can't avoid the roommate any longer
And so begins the oh-sorry-did-you-need-the-bathroom-OMG-you-heard-everything-didn't-you-let's-pretend-nothing-happened-just-gonna-keep-smiling morning encounter.
You feel hungover for no reason
S.O.S. You had one—ONE—glass of pinot noir, and this is what happens? Pass the ibuprofen and close the damn blinds. It's like jet lag—only worse.
You don't know whether to kiss, hug, or wave goodbye
He goes for the cheek, you go for the quick hug...only to be left stammering and awkwardly waving. Okay, cool, byeeeee.
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