Queen Elizabeth’s Nemesis Is This Tiny Pony

They have a history, and the horse comes out looking pretty bad.

Queen summer residence at Balmoral 2018
(Image credit: Andrew Milligan - PA Images)
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This weekend, Queen Elizabeth arrived at Balmoral for her annual Scottish summer vacation, and as if to spite her for taking some well-deserved time off, a small horse immediately defecated in her vicinity. She seemed none too pleased, even holding her nose in his presence. And that's because this particular Shetland pony is the Queen's longtime nemesis.

That's right: This isn’t the first time Her Majesty had a showdown with this exact miniature horse. His name is Cruachan IV (it’s pronounced...I have no idea, actually), and as the mascot for the Royal Regiment of Scotland, he’s been in the Queen’s presence before. Just last July, he tried to eat the Queen’s flowers until she scolded him to “go away.” You tell him, Your Majesty! And in 2014, the small horse’s handlers were concerned that he was going to bite the Queen when she tried to pet him, since he was seen rolling his top lip back. And now—now!—he’s pooping on her while she’s trying to vacation?

Look, I’m just gonna say it: Despite his rockin’ bangs, this tiny pony seems like kind of a d-bag. As has been well-documented, the Queen is a lifelong Horse Girl who likely has more patience than most when it comes to cheeky ponies. And according to the Daily Mail, she even really loved the current pony’s predecessor, Cruachan III. All of which leads me to believe that this Cruachan might just be kind of a d-bag? Facts don’t lie!

Hopefully the Queen can rest up during this vacation, in anticipation of yet another showdown with her equine nemesis.

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Cady Drell

Cady has been a writer and editor in Brooklyn for about 10 years. While her earlier career focused primarily on culture and music, her stories—both those she edited and those she wrote—over the last few years have tended to focus on environmentalism, reproductive rights, and feminist issues. She primarily contributes as a freelancer journalist on these subjects while pursuing her degrees. She held staff positions working in both print and online media, at Rolling Stone and Newsweek, and continued this work as a senior editor, first at Glamour until 2018, and then at Marie Claire magazine. She received her Master's in Environmental Conservation Education at New York University in 2021, and is now working toward her JF and Environmental Law Certificate at Elisabeth Haub School of Law in White Plains.