Because being a person in the world is hard and you deserve something nice, this is MarieClaire.com's semiregular column on everything talented young man Timothée Chalamet did that week. You can catch up on the last edition here.
Hello, cerulean warblers, and welcome to another edition of This Week in Timothée Chalamet. There’s a lot to get through today so I think we should just get to it. To hell with the throat-clearing, am I right?
Yes! Yes, I am.
Here’s what’s béen going on with Timmy:
Filming has begun on Dune!
Did we already know this? Yes, right? Anyway, Timmy posted a video on his Insta that includes an open-topped ride through the Jordanian desert next to some hot blond:
It’s basically exactly what you think Dune is going to look like and I am suddenly weirdly excited for this movie? Like, yes, I was sort of blanket-excited already because Timmy is in it. But now I’m excited for it as a holistic concept. I like the cut of Dune’s jib.
But before we move on, I want to just call attention to the NME article in which I initially read the above piece of news, as it came up on my Google Alert for Timmy’s name. Specifically, this part where the author describes the plot of Dune:
Dune is centred on power relations between worlds far away from Earth in the year 10191 and tells the tale of a son of a noble family entrusted with the protection of a spice planet. An evil empire wishes to gain control of the distribution of the planet’s life-enhancing drug—nicknamed “spice.”
That is a really good description of this story, and I feel like this author has definitely read the book. And I know, because I didn’t read the book but my boyfriend did and he’s always wondering why I know so much about its plot. (Sometimes I make him listen to me read this column aloud because I’m not sure he does it of his own volition.) This description will probably serve to enhance my knowledge of the book and then I never have to read a book again!
The only addition I would make to the above is the note that the proper name of “spice” is “spice melange,” which is worth adding purely because it sounds like the name of someone behind a weak but attention-grabbing Cardi B diss track. And I know what you’re thinking: Who would dare diss Cardi? But I’m just saying, for the sake of argument, that’s what Spice Melange sounds like to me.
When in need of a metaphor, turn to Timmy!
Other than the fact that it was, in fact, fresh content, I gotta say that Timmy-in-Jordan post merely served to remind me that my people (Chalamaniacs) have been walking through the desert (of content) since the Golden Globes. It’s a Chalamet drought. Let my people go.
(It’s Passover. Sometimes I pretend Elijah is some flakey dude I’m dating who always texts to say he’s coming to dinner and then doesn’t actually show. Like, “Wow, even after I poured him wine? What a fuckboi.” This is a pretty good joke if you’ve ever been to a Seder.)
Speaking of Bible stuff, here’s a Creation Myth I can get behind:
Side-note: I am way too elderly to have known that was Jojo Siwa at first blush, and yet here we are.
Chag Sameach, fellow stans.
Why am I into this?
I think I have a thing for hands. And why not? That little fresh meat has an excellent set of phalanges.
I feel like last week, when we did both Timmy as Festive Cakes and Timmy as iMac Computers, I set a bad precedent. Because now I have this thing to contend with, courtesy of Twitter user @elioperls.
Guys. Enough. I mean, look: Do I like this? Yes. Is my Instagram feed just a mix of Timothée Chalamet accounts and round little animals? Also yes. Is this a bridge too far? I think you know what I’m going to say.
What? You want me to admit I like this? Fine. FINE. I like it. Are you happy? I like Timmy juxtaposed with pics of round little animals. God.
That’s truly all of the news! Have a wonderful wéekend.
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