In case you hadn't heard, your boyfriend, Tom Hiddleston, has moved on to bigger and better things AKA Taylor Swift. And honestly the worst part about it is a) how damn cute they are, and b) the fact that he's living #ThatSquadLife without you.
Before this fated moment, Tom spent his free time drinking Earl Grey tea and prefacing all sentences with "cheerio!" and "mate!" like a sophisticated pirate. But now he's ready to start a new life chapter. A chapter where inflatable swans lurk around every corner and shirts are not shirts unless they're cropped.
So yes: Now that Taylor and Tom are A Thing, it's only a matter of time before he joins the ranks of Gigi Hadid, Lorde, Kendall Jenner, Karlie Kloss, and wandering minstrel Ed Sheeran, and there's nothing to do but live vicariously through him.
It's the only option, okay? Old Tom doesn't exist anymore. There is only Hiddleswift.
With that fact in mind, here are some things you should probably prepare for now that Tom's getting squaddy with it.
1. Awards-Show Dancing
Put Taylor Swift in a front row, she'll dance on it. There is literally no stopping her. But fear not: Tom has been preparing for this eventuality since the Met Gala.
2. Pool Floating
Taylor's squad loves nothing more than some casual pool floating, preferably on swans. More swans, fewer problems, as the saying goes. Hopefully Tom's pale English genes won't cause him to burn, but we'll be here praying, just in case.
3. Public Vacationing
Taylor and her last boyfriend, He Who Must Not Be Named (AKA Calvin Harris), enjoyed breaking the internet with their sweet vacation photos. Calvin is no longer in our lives, but good news: Photoshop is.
4. Exciting New Friendships
Ed Sheeran's entire life has been leading up to this moment. He can't wait to meet his new dad.
5. Awkward Beef with Kanye West and Katy Perry
They now have bad blood. Throw away your Yeezys, Tom.
6. A Comprehensive Understanding of Feminism
Taylor Swift is a proud feminist, so Tom better get on board. We don't need him to read The Feminine Mystique or anything, but would appreciate a Girls binge-watching session, or at the very least a careful study of Beyoncé's entire body of work.
7. A Love for Cats
Dogs are no longer relevant and they have no place in a) this article or b) Hiddleswift's life.