

This week in petty...petty theft, Pete Doherty, and subliminal messages sent via lawnmower. Welcome to the Petty Party, which is like a newsletter of small-minded events (mostly) related to famous people.
When Taraji P. Henson Decimated an Instagram Commenter (He Started It)
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Some people never learn.
When Liam Gallagher Recounted the Time He Met Pete Doherty
Nobody gives a sound bite quite like Liam Gallagher—unless it's Liam Gallagher with new music to promote. In an interview with NME, the solo artist recalled meeting Kate Moss' ex Pete Doherty with his usual color and command of language. "No, I've only met him once, but that was years ago ...It was just 'Hello, you're really tall and that.' He looked like my mic stand." How we'd all like to be remembered.
When the Internet Realized What *Really* Went Down in That Met Elevator Between Beyoncé, Jay-Z, and Solange
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And that night, three excellent records were born.
And Since It Was Otherwise a Well-Behaved Week in Celeb World...This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Naively believing that people would do the right thing (HAHAHA), a Chinese startup lost 300,000 umbrellas in just three months. (The concept: Citi Bike but for rain shades. And without the penalty for failing to return the product, which explains the rampant theft.) Despite losing nearly all his stock, the founder will soldier on, rolling out 30 million umbrellas across China by the end of the year, the Guardian reports. I dreamed a dream, etc.
When You Hate Your Neighbor's Barney Garage and Want the World to Know It
Or at least Google Maps. In a checkmate move, a vindictive person with a lawnmower and some time on his or her hands shaved "AHOLE" with an arrow pointing to his neighbor's house, which, according to Reddit, had been renovated with a bright purple garage structure in 2009. (Other residents then petitioned the county for property tax relief, claiming the eyesore devalued their homes.) At least when the aliens do it, they make nice circles—which just goes to show humans will probably lose an intergalactic war, but at least we'll go out making some dank memes and getting in one final shot at our fellow man.
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I'm Chelsea Peng, the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. On my tombstone, I would like a GIF of me that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, I'm into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard I have to go lie down.
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Take a Tour of Ali Wentworth's Personal Library
The author and actress shares her favorite reads in 'Shelf Portrait.'
By Neha Prakash
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Layered Haircuts and Hairstyles for Every Face Shape
Low-maintenance, high style.
By Samantha Holender
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Worth It: Loewe's Gradient Puzzle Bag
The signature puzzle-piece purse has three new colors.
By Sara Holzman
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68 Times the Kardashians Posed Fully Nude and Owned It
And we mean fully nude—as in, not a shred of clothing.
By Bianca Rodriguez
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Who Is Jonathan Owens, Simone Biles's Fiancé and NFL Player?
"The easiest yes!" Simone wrote about the couple's engagement.
By The Editors
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Surprise! Priyanka Chopra Jonas and Nick Jonas Are Parents
They welcomed a baby via surrogate.
By Neha Prakash
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Meghan and Harry Share First Photo of Their Daughter Lilibet Diana
The Sussex's holiday card is here!
By Rachel Epstein
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The 50 Best Celebrity Couple Halloween Costumes Ever
Honestly, we're impressed.
By Charlotte Chilton
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Alicia Keys Gets What She Wants
With her jazzy new album, Keys, the singer stopped worrying about everything except what matters: Her own opinion.
By Jessica Herndon
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Brooke Shields on Reinventing Yourself, Making Friends in Your 40s, and More
The actress and CEO shared inspiring advice during a panel at 'Marie Claire's' "Power Trip: Off the Grid" conference.
By Rachel Epstein
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Alicia Keys on Her Upcoming Album 'Keys,' Life Lessons From Her Mom, and More
The singer opened up during a special panel at 'Marie Claire's' "Power Trip: Off the Grid" conference.
By Rachel Epstein