Think fast: What indignities would you suffer to be in close proximity to a public figure at pretty much all times? Here, a comprehensive look at the weird, fascinating life of the celebrity personal assistant.
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Chapter I: The Things They Carried
A significant part of the assistant's job is holding things, which can be an item as innocuous as a yellow bag...
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...or, you know, a giant blue bunny piñata. (This one's for Gwen Stefani.)
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You could also carry Justin Bieber's skateboards...
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...Reese Witherspoon's umbrella...
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...Jennifer Lawrence's umbrella...
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...Selena Gomez's umbrella...
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...Mariah Carey's umbrella...
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...Jessica Alba's water bottle + purse (note the distance in front of her you should walk)...
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...Selena Gomez's half-eaten burger...
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...Kendall Jenner's umbrella (rain being the obvious enemy of celebrity hair everywhere)...
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or even Mariah Carey's children.
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Chapter II: Fluffing
If you think celebrities just *look* like that on the red carpet, you're in denial—after the glam squad that gets them ready comes the fluffer, who lays the dress, carries the train, places the hand, etc. etc. Full investigation here.
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Anything for the dress.
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Including stooping.
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And pulling.
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And billowing.
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And lifting.
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And strategically swishing.
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Chapter III: Pet Management
Being a part-time cat/dog mommy/daddy ain't so bad. (This one belongs to Lady Gaga.)
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Lady Gaga also owns this one.
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Jennifer Lawrence's dog does look good against that gingham shirt...
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Katy Perry's curly mammal thingy.
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Zoe Saldana's *team* of dog walkers.
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Chapter IV: Mariah
Mariah Carey gets her own chapter because she is unashamed of asking the people she pays to do things like dab the sweat from her upper lip.
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And lead her around.
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Everywhere.
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With umbrellas.
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And position her hand just so to highlight her engagement ring.
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More leading around.
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I would have human Seeing Eye Dogs with me all the time too, if I could afford it.
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