The Life of a Celebrity Assistant in 40 Photos

From upper-lip-sweat-wiping to burger-holding.

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Think fast: What indignities would you suffer to be in close proximity to a public figure at pretty much all times? Here, a comprehensive look at the weird, fascinating life of the celebrity personal assistant.

<p>A significant part of the assistant's job is holding things, which can be an item as innocuous as a yellow bag to...half a sandwich. </p>
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Chapter I: The Things They Carried

A significant part of the assistant's job is holding things, which can be an item as innocuous as a yellow bag...

<p>A piñata for Gwen Stefani</p>
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...or, you know, a giant blue bunny piñata. (This one's for Gwen Stefani.)

<p>Justin Bieber's skateboards</p>
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You could also carry Justin Bieber's skateboards...

<p>Reese Witherspoon's umbrella</p>
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...Reese Witherspoon's umbrella...

<p>More brollies</p>
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...Jennifer Lawrence's umbrella...

<p>Yet more</p>
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...Selena Gomez's umbrella...

<p>Brolly</p>
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...Mariah Carey's umbrella...

<p>Smartwater</p>
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...Jessica Alba's water bottle + purse (note the distance in front of her you should walk)...

<p>Selena Gomez's half-eaten burger</p>
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...Selena Gomez's half-eaten burger...

<p>Another anti-rain device</p>
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...Kendall Jenner's umbrella (rain being the obvious enemy of celebrity hair everywhere)...

<p>Mariah Carey's children</p>
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or even Mariah Carey's children.

<p><a href="http://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/news/a14626/red-carpet-fluffers/" target="_blank">Full investigation here</a>.</p>
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Chapter II: Fluffing

If you think celebrities just *look* like that on the red carpet, you're in denial—after the glam squad that gets them ready comes the fluffer, who lays the dress, carries the train, places the hand, etc. etc. Full investigation here.

<p>Anything for the dress</p>
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Anything for the dress.

<p>Including stooping</p>
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Including stooping.

<p>And pulling</p>
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And pulling.

<p>And billowing</p>
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And billowing.

<p>And smoothing and adjusting</p>
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And lifting.

<p>And arranging</p>
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And strategically swishing.

<p>Being a part-time cat/dog mommy/daddy ain't so bad. (This one belongs to Lady Gaga.)  </p>
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Chapter III: Pet Management

Being a part-time cat/dog mommy/daddy ain't so bad. (This one belongs to Lady Gaga.)

<p>Lady Gaga also owns this one. </p>
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Lady Gaga also owns this one.

<p>Jennifer Lawrence's scared-looking pet</p>
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Jennifer Lawrence's dog does look good against that gingham shirt...

<p>Katy Perry's curly mammal thingy</p>
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Katy Perry's curly mammal thingy.

<p>Zoe Saldana's *team* of dog walkers</p>
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Zoe Saldana's *team* of dog walkers.

<p>Mariah Carey gets her own chapter because she is unashamed of asking people she pays to do things like dab the sweat from her upper lip. </p>
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Chapter IV: Mariah

Mariah Carey gets her own chapter because she is unashamed of asking the people she pays to do things like dab the sweat from her upper lip.

<p>And lead her around </p>
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And lead her around.

<p>Everywhere</p>
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Everywhere.

<p>With umbrellas</p>
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With umbrellas.

<p>And position her hand just so to highlight her engagement ring</p>
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And position her hand just so to highlight her engagement ring.

<p>More leading around</p>
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More leading around.

<p>I would have human Seeing Eye Dogs with me all the time too, if I could afford it</p>
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I would have human Seeing Eye Dogs with me all the time too, if I could afford it.

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