Like the heart (allegedly), the public wants what the public wants. And that is to know, down to the last Jordan almond, what our famous people wore, did, and what version of "(I've Had) the Time of My Life" they danced to on their wedding days. Too bad keeping everything more under wraps than regular, non-Mummy mummies is such a fad now. Ahead, 15 marriages we still, infuriatingly, know so little about.
1. Zoe Saldana and Marco Perego
He took her name (<3), but, like, couldn't he have taken some wedding pics so we have a bit more than an extremely meager amount of intel about their London ceremony in 2013? "It was super small but very romantic and beautiful," a source said to Us Weekly of the nuptials, which were attended by just a few close friends and relatives.
2. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt
Well, that's over now, but in 2014, it was a BFD—such a BFD, in fact, that we still don't know much, except that Angie's Atelier Versace dress and veil served as a canvas for her kids, who were also involved in the ceremony.
3. Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady
Little by little, we're getting a better understanding of the incredibly good-looking couple's 2009 wedding. For example, after almost 10 YEARS, we can now confirm the bride wore white.
4. Beyoncé and Jay Z
Just today, Tina Knowles shared this never-before-seen photo from the actual #mosttalkedaboutcoupleintheworld's wedding. But...did they dance to their own music at the reception? Who caught the bouquet? WAS THERE BUTTERCREAM?
5. RuPaul and Georges LeBar
"I've never said this television before—we are married," he said of his longtime rancher partner on Hollywood Today Live. "I met him on the dance floor at Limelight in 1994 on his birthday. We got married this year on the anniversary of when we met." That's pretty much all we've got, but we'll take it. <333
6. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds
This is *still* all there is to be seen of her custom Marchesa gown and Lorraine Schwartz wedding band. However, if you are interested in the espresso beans and fruit tarts served at the reception, there are tons of photos of that, hmph. ::clicks anyway::
7. Allison Williams and Ricky Van Veen
Here's the dress, which had sleeves because she's "always cold!" But what did Tom Hanks say when he officiated (ah)? Why was it in Wyoming?! We may never find out.
8. Amanda Seyfried and Thomas Sadoski
The secret-marrieds club's newest members have a kid now! But before that, "we eloped," Sadoski said on the Late Late Show with James Corden. "We just took off into the country with an officiant and, just the two of us, and we did our thing." Tell us more about the thing!
9. Margot Robbie and Tom Ackerley
To tie the knot with the British director earlier this year in Australia, (it appears) Robbie wore her mother's dress, then immediately headed to the beach. Noice.
10. Ilana Glazer and David Rooklin
Catching most of the internet unawares, the comedienne and her scientist boyfriend got hitched at a low-key City Hall ceremony. We can only assumer her other *other* half Abbi Jacobson was in attendance.
11. Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard
Three years after she and Shepard married "in a tiny room in Beverly Hills courthouse," Bell finally shared some private photos of what she called "one of the best days of her life." Awww.
12. Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher
They got secret-married. Then they didn't. Then they actually did! After jerking us around a bit, the couple finally owned up to being man and wife with rings from Etsy. And that's it, pretty much.
13. Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied
Their union just produced a second child, but the details of their 2016 Big Sur wedding are still hazy. Key info: It was vegan; the dress was Rodarte; and Ivanka Trump was reportedly a guest.
14. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
Pretty epic that they pretended the wedding was a birthday party for Theroux. Even more epic that the goings-on have remained so watertight, even with high-profile guests such as Lisa Kudrow, Ellen DeGeneres, and John Krasinski and Emily Blunt.
15. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin
Fourteen years later, and there are still no photos—that's how stealth the whole 2003 operation was. (For comparison, news of their conscious uncoupling was sent out in the Goop newsletter.) According to People, they got the license at the Santa Barbara courthouse, then did the deed—without even Paltrow's mother Blythe Danner there as a witness.