Amy Schumer nails it once again with this sketch about what it would really be like to be a Disney princess. You think being a "rancid peasant girl" who discovers she's actually a princess and is swept away to marry the prince would be the absolute greatest thing to ever happen, but it would actually be really shitty. Let Princess Amy explain:
Amy, the "rancid peasant girl" in question, meets royal attache Tim Gunn (please put Tim in everything, thank you). Tim whisks her away to her castle, where she gets a brand new fancy ball gown and lots of happy cartoon birds. It's basically a dream come to true.
Except, oops, she has to marry her creepy-ass cousin because the family needs to keep the bloodline going.
As Princess Amy observes, "Yeah, but that doesn't seem cool." Exactly.
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I'm a writer for Cosmopolitan.com manning the fort during the night shift (because I love staying up late and hate getting up early in the morning). My nickname is not Becky, Beck, Becca or Bex--it's Burt, which is what almost everyone calls me.
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