
COUPLE NUMBER ONE: Anna and Bates, let's cut the bullsh*t.
So, is Bates a ragehead, or not? Downton wants us to keep wondering, it seems, because this episode finds him wandering into York with a pocketful of suspicions that Green is Anna's rapist. The question is, will this turn out to have been an alibi when we discover Green is dead? Or will Bates turn out to have been his killer? WHO CARES.
I'm so sick of being jerked around with regards to Bates's true nature. If he had killed Green, I wouldn't blame him (and his horrible first wife wasn't exactly a sympathetic character), but the constant plot manipulation just for a glimpse into Bates's psyche is tiresome. It should work the other way around—We should be able to see Bates's emotions evolving (or devolving) to affect the plot. At this point, I don't really care if he's a secret psycho—I just want Anna to be happy. (And, by the way, I'm quite happy with death as retribution, but I do wish they'd made Green suffer a little more.)
COUPLE NUMBER TWO: Mary should pick Blake, choose Blake, love Blake.
But we have more important things to worry about: Lady Mary's suitors. And, for that matter, Tom's. Downton has developed parallel widowhoods within the family: Both lost their spouses suddenly, both have very young children, and both are faced with dating prospects who are no match for their dearly departed.
Mary has Lord Gillingham and Blake, and I am solidly #teamblake. He's handsomer, smarter, and likes-to-roll-in-pig-sh*t-er. Plus, he's secretly loaded, so Mary needn't worry about following in Sybil's footsteps and "marrying down." And even with all her baggage and chilliness, Mary is an attractive companion—she's showing signs of a reawakening, both from her grief, and from that horribly old-fashioned Grantham mindset. Can't you imagine Blake and Mary flapping through the 1920s and 1930s as a Fitzgeraldian tour de force? Gillingham has nothing on him really—not looks, not personality, and not necessarily money. Also, Gillingham's kind of a stalker.
COUPLE NUMBER THREE: Tom and his Sarah, Plain and Tall.
Now, Tom. Sweet Tom. Sweet Tom with big brawny arms and a barrel chest and a nice chin. Foolish enough to entertain even one second of Edna Braithwaite, yet wise enough to know when a lovely schoolteacher he encounters at a town hall meeting might be a perfect Downton version of Sarah, Plain and Tall. Tom has always been a sad fellow in the background, and I want this new woman to be his reawakening.
-
The Next Royal Adjacent Wedding Is Coming Up—Soon
Let us (re)introduce you to the bride, Lady Amelia Spencer.
By Rachel Burchfield
-
There Is Apparently A “Bit of An Argument” Happening Over Prince George’s Role in the Coronation
His parents are concerned it may be too much pressure for him.
By Rachel Burchfield
-
Catherine, Princess of Wales’ Daring Erdem Look from This Week Has a Deeper Backstory
A British fashion label apparently became a divisive element in her relationship with sister-in-law Meghan Markle.
By Rachel Burchfield
-
The 56 Best Musical Movies of All Time: Iconic Movie Musicals
All the dance numbers! All the show tunes!
By Amanda Mitchell
-
'Ginny & Georgia' Season 2: Everything We Know
Netflix owes us answers after that ending.
By Zoe Guy
-
29 Nude Movies With Porn-Level Nudity
All the nudity of porn, but with the plot and storylines of mainstream film.
By Kayleigh Roberts
-
The Cast of 'The Crown' Season 5: Your Guide
The Mountbatten-Windsors have been recast—again.
By Andrea Park
-
Who Is Hasnat Khan, Princess Diana’s Boyfriend on Season 5 of ‘The Crown’?
Di’s friends have said she referred to the doctor as “the love of her life.”
By Andrea Park
-
Who Is Penelope "Penny" Knatchbull?
She and Prince Philip strike up an unlikely friendship throughout the fifth season of 'The Crown.'
By Andrea Park
-
'The Crown' Season 5: Everything We Know
The bombshell fifth season just dropped on Netflix.
By Andrea Park
-
90 Halloween Costume Ideas Inspired By Movies and TV Shows
Most of these Halloween costumes double as stylish additions to your closet.
By Brooke Knappenberger