The 'Too Hot to Handle' Swimsuits Are Too Confusing to Understand

(Image credit: Aline Arruda/Netflix)

published 7 May 2020

Too Hot to Handle premiered 21 days ago, which in reality-show-time may as well be 18 months ago. And in Netflix-time that may as well be three years ago. Which means in quarantine-time it's been approximately four decades since we were introduced to the dozen or so horny individuals (opens in new tab) who went celibate in the hopes of winning some cash and entertaining the masses. So, yes, the majority of the world has moved on. But I continue to be haunted by something from the show. No, it's not that Harry and Francesca are still together (opens in new tab) and, in fact, so happy that they are wedding ring shopping. No, it's not that people are offering to drink Chloe's bathwater (opens in new tab). It's not even that Matthew (a.k.a. Jesus) actually played The Man From Galilee in a film (opens in new tab). It's the bathing suits.

Too Hot to Handle's cast LIVED in swimwear. (Fair, considering they literally lived on a gorgeous, beach-front resort in Mexico during filming (opens in new tab).) But each female cast member seemed to have packed no less than 30 bikinis for their four-week reality television stint (was there no laundry available?). And they didn't bring a smattering of mix-and-match tops and bottoms and one whimsical suit in case things went "theme." No, they whipped out a multitude of head-scratching, gravity-defying suits. (Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of cute neon bandeaus and colorful string bikinis as well.) I'm talking about the ones that displayed more emotional depth than Haley. More self awareness than Harry. More sass than A.I. bot Lana. Since I have all but accepted the reality of a #canceledsummer2020 I decided to live vicariously through the Too Hot to Handle cast's unique warm-weather sartorial choices—the kinds we have all at one time purchased, in the same checkout cart as Prosecco Pong and a giant inflatable unicorn—by rounding them up here. Here's praying the girls divulge their Missguided discount codes during the virtual reunion that airs Friday.

1/14

Bryce did not understand this shiny, pink one piece, which was proof he and Chloe were not meant to be.

2/14

This black, underboob-baring bikini top popped up on several of the girls throughout the series, but I still never managed to understand how everything stayed in place.

3/14

Honestly can't tell if these are lingerie, crop tops, or swimwear, but I'm okay with all of it.

4/14

The least confusing of the bunch.

5/14

This neon number reminds me of a spaceship.

6/14

Is inner boob a thing?

7/14

A top or a swimsuit? IDK, but we stan multi-functional fashion.

8/14

Episode 5 was clearly the "underboob" episode.

9/14

Francesca (opens in new tab) borrowed this suit from Nicole (or vice versa), proof the women had each other's backs when it came to their fashion needs.

10/14

Sure.

11/14

You definitely can't get this wet, but I'm here for some vacation sparkle.

12/14

Confusing yet surprisingly demure?

13/14

I'm sensing a trend with Rhonda's swimwear silhouettes...

14/14

Honorable mention for Francesca's sheer pants, the only thing I want to pair with my quarantine hoodie.

As Marie Claire’s Entertainment Director, Neha oversees and executes strategy for all editorial talent bookings and culture coverage across the brand's print and digital entities, including covers, celebrity profiles and features, social takeovers, and video franchises as well as handles talent relations for our flagship summit, Power Trip. She's passionate about elevating diverse voices and stories, loves a hot-take, and hates TV reboots. Her bylines have appeared on Glamour, Vanity Fair, GQ, Allure, Teen Vogue, Brides, and Architectural Digest, and she is a graduate of the Columbia School of Journalism.