Kristen Stewart and Jesse Eisenberg Are the Unlikeliest of Action Heroes in 'American Ultra'

Phoebe's body count > Jason Bourne's.

American Ultra
(Image credit: Lionsgate)

The premise of American Ultra is that, because they are stoners, Kristen Stewart and Jesse Eiseberg's characters couldn't possibly survive car bombs and hordes of highly trained assassins sent by the military to stab/shoot/end them via one of many highly painful and grotesque ways. So wrong. 

In the second trailer for the Nima Nourizadeh-directed comedy, super-soldier Mike and our badass August cover girl go on the run, taking out bad guys left and right in dramatic, creative—THAT WAS A SPOON, GUYS—blood splatter-y fashion. Will they make it? Are we supposed to believe Topher Grace is evil? Does Mike break down the door even though John Leguizamo asks him not to very politely? 

One more thing before you clip play: We're offering a chance to *meet* Kristen at the premiere, so yeah, consider this homework.  

Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.