Simon Doonan Tells Us Why Gay Men Don't Get Fat

If you're on a post-New Year's mission to finally get yourself in shape, we have just the book for you! Well, maybe not, but it will certainly have you laughing until your sides hurt — which sort of counts as exercise, right? Simon Doonan, the adorable author and creative ambassador for Barneys New York, just released an outrageous new book entitled Gay Men Don't Get Fat, which he promises is one of the most irreverent and wildly inappropriate things he's ever written — in a good way.

As the saying goes, French women — who are known for being impossibly chic, confident, and sophisticated — don't get fat, and know more about style than anyone else on Earth. Anyone, that is, except gay men, which is exactly what Simon sets out to prove in his writing. "Gay men are French women with penises," he told us to further drive this point home.

In this tongue-in-cheek version of a self-help book, Simon discusses a series of important topics, including how to eat, dress, and live well. For example, he advocates a diet that is an equal balance of both "gay" and "straight" foods — the two essential food groups. "If you order an Angus steak, then you need a little nelly salad to go with it," he explained. Just in case you're curious about the "gayest" of all foods, Simon says that pastel colored macarons take the cake. "If you lived on macarons, I think you'd explode into a nuclear cloud of gayness."

While Gay Men Don't Get Fat is primarily a humor book, Simon insists that some of the underlying themes are quite serious. "I do think it's a very complex time to be a girl," he said. "The expectations on girls are extraordinary now — you have to look like Gisele and be professionally successful." Along with plenty of talk about female empowerment, Simon encourages people to "go nuts" in respect to self expression, and urges that both men and women stop being so critical of themselves. After all, when it comes to personal style, "It's all subjective, isn't it?"

Simon's book is now available for $24.95 at Barneys New York.