Say that you, against our advice tsk tsk (opens in new tab), went so HAM during the holidays that your regular high-protein, low-glycemic diet seems like a (bad) distant memory. Say that you then got the dreaded "We still on for [some event for which I must look like the Snapchat version of myself that will take place a horrifically short period of time from today]??" text. What do you do, now that you're under a tight deadline to de-puff? Don't stress, first of all—that'll just increase the puff. Then, take a look at the fast-acting eating, beauty, and dressing strategies we've presented ahead.
1. Avoid Alcohol, Sugar, and Salt
Assuming you've returned to your semi-ascetic lifestyle, this shouldn't be too difficult, minus the eliminating-the-few-remaining-joys-in-life thing. The good news is that the physical effects of the booze will dissipate first, after about 24 hours, followed by the rest, by about four days. Drink lots of water to flush everything out.
2. Give Yourself a Lymphatic Massage
It's not just psychosomatic—moving the liquid-logged muscles of your face really can result in *immediate* definition in what was once potato-y. You could pay a pro to do this; or you could follow along with one of the many quality videos available online (opens in new tab).
3. Get Thee to the Infrared Sauna
Less for burning up to 600 calories just sitting there (though, WHOA), more for sweating like a hog (water weight, begone!) and reflecting on how you'll only make good decisions going forward until next Thursday.
4. Tie Your Hair Back
It's all geometry, really. According to His Excellency Tom Ford, "supermodels have tiny heads because it makes them look tall, sort of like the Empire State Building—just tapers up into nothing." And when editorial hairstylists want to create the look of a small head, they go up and close to the scalp, hence the bun or whatever. (But if you're wary of coming across too El Greco-y, throw on some Big-Ass Earrings (opens in new tab).)
5. Wear One Color Head to Toe
One color running vertically draws the eye up and down instead of side to side. See it in action here (opens in new tab).
6. When All Else Fails, Contour (opens in new tab)
There's still nothing like a bit of shadow trickery for trimming your jawline, carving out a pair of cut-crystal cheekbones, and pretending like the past two weeks never happened.
Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.
Prince Harry Says There's "Leaking...But Also Planting of Stories" in the Firm in Explosive New Netflix Trailer
By Iris Goldsztajn
Princes William and Harry Put Their Differences Aside to Honor Their Late Friend
A beautiful gesture.
By Iris Goldsztajn
Prince Harry Called Claims He Wanted to Teach the "Brits a Lesson" a "Baseless Hit Piece"
This is... a lot.
By Iris Goldsztajn
Senator Klobuchar: "Early Detection Saves Lives. It Saved Mine"
Senator and breast cancer survivor Amy Klobuchar is encouraging women not to put off preventative care any longer.
By Senator Amy Klobuchar
How Being a Plus-Size Nude Model Made Me Finally Love My Body
I'm plus size, but after I decided to pose nude for photos, I suddenly felt more body positive.
By Kelly Burch
I'm an Egg Donor. Why Was It So Difficult for Me to Tell People That?
Much like abortion, surrogacy, and IVF, becoming an egg donor was a reproductive choice that felt unfit for society’s standards of womanhood.
By Lauryn Chamberlain
The 20 Best Probiotics to Keep Your Gut in Check
Gut health = wealth.
By Julia Marzovilla
Simone Biles Is Out of the Team Final at the Tokyo Olympics
She withdrew from the event due to a medical issue, according to USA Gymnastics.
By Rachel Epstein
The Truth About Thigh Gaps
We're going to need you to stop right there.
By Kenny Thapoung
3 Women On What It’s Like Living With An “Invisible” Condition
Despite having no outward signs, they can be brutal on the body and the mind. Here’s how each woman deals with having illnesses others often don’t understand.
By Emily Shiffer
The High Price of Living With Chronic Pain
Three women open up about how their conditions impact their bodies—and their wallets.
By Alice Oglethorpe