Why Your Boyfriend Can't Orgasm
I wonder if sex is bad for a woman if the guy doesn't orgasm. I'll be completely candid here: I don't orgasm often during oral sex or intercourse. What is the cause of this phenomenon? I'm not sure, but I have a few theories about my affliction...
A while back I asked if women enjoy sex even when they don't orgasm.
Now I'm wondering if sex is bad for a woman if the guy doesn't orgasm. I'll be completely candid here: I don't orgasm often during oral sex or intercourse. What is the cause of this phenomenon? I'm not sure, but I have a few theories about my affliction:
Too Much Self-Stimulation
I satisfy myself quite often. All this self-stimulation not only tires me out, but it creates a high standard for physical pleasure because I'm the only one who knows exactly what I want. Masturbation is isolating: I am more comfortable orgasming by myself than with another person.
Crisis Thinking
During sex, I worry about anything and everything from losing my erection, to the girl not enjoying it. I wish I could be a regular dude and think: "Man, I'm nailing this chick right now," but I can't.
Performance Anxiety
Stay In The Know
Get exclusive access to fashion and beauty trends, hot-off-the-press celebrity news, and more.
During foreplay, the crazy thought that enters my head is often, "Oh man, we might have to have sex." It's not that I don't want to have sex. The problem is that I pressure myself. The same thing happens during oral — during the act I think to myself, "Oh man, she definitely expects me to orgasm during this."
It's the same thing as me having a chance to play guitar in front of a huge crowd. I'd welcome the challenge as something I've always wanted to do, but I'd be nervous. In fact, I'm more confident playing guitar in front of a crowd than I am at sex.
My issues with reaching orgasm play out in many different ways. Women have cried after sex because I didn't ejaculate. I don't mind if I don't ejaculate during sex — Besides, I can easily ejaculate later — no big deal.
I think women are conditioned to believe that guys are "easy" to bring to orgasm. When it doesn't happen, women immediately blame themselves. Usually, my consolation of "It's not you, it's me" is not good enough. I understand why women would blame themselves, though I wish they wouldn't. Most women are used to guys orgasming easily — so it's a new experience for a woman to deal with.
Is it bad sex when the guy doesn't orgasm? Do you wonder what's wrong with you when he doesn't orgasm, or do you realize it's his problem?
More from Marie Claire:
Best Sex Techniques, Moves & Positions
-
Bella Hadid Combines City Girl Style With a Country Chic Accessory
The model incorporated her horseback riding roots into her New York City fit.
By Jenny Hollander Published
-
Here's Why Tom Holland Googles His Girlfriend Zendaya
"It’s more of a bit of an anxiety thing."
By Danielle Campoamor Published
-
Kim Kardashian Wears Iconic Cross Pendant Previously Worn by Princess Diana
The reality television star wore a plunging white gown to accentuate her royal accessory.
By Danielle Campoamor Published
-
The All-Time Favorite Sex Positions of 11 Real Women
"It makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth."
By The Editors Published
-
The 22 Best Vibrators, According to Sex Toy Experts
The vibes are immaculate.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 20 Best Sex Games for Couples in 2023
Who said game nights need to be wholesome?
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
The 14 Best Lubes for Every Need
Good sex should always go smoothly.
By Gabrielle Ulubay Last updated
-
COVID Forced My Polyamorous Marriage to Become Monogamous
For Melanie LaForce, pandemic-induced social distancing guidelines meant she could no longer see men outside of her marriage. But monogamy didn't just change her relationship with her husband—it changed her relationship with herself.
By Melanie LaForce Published
-
100 Sex Songs That Won't Make You Cringe
Dim the lights and hit play on this sex songs — the perfect playlist of songs to have sex to.
By The Editors Published
-
33 Unexpected Valentine's Day 2023 Date Ideas
A.k.a. not dinner and roses.
By The Editors Published
-
How to Stay Safe Using Dating Apps and Websites
Did you know your favorite dating apps may be selling your intimate information? Swipe right on privacy with these key safety tips.
By Jenny Hollander Published