George Costanza once ended things with a Liz Hurley lookalike in some movie because her second toe was longer than her first, which is, I guess, moderately understandable—when you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. Same goes for these 13 women, who got really real about the worst/best/funniest/shallowest reasons they've ever broken up with someone. No judgment.
"He had mold on his air conditioner." —Arabella, 33, Philadelphia, PA
The Cersei Lannister
"In middle school, I dated a kid because his mom was head of student council, and I wanted to be president. So I broke up with him when I won." —Madison, 21, Sebring, FL
"He didn't have the same Netflix taste as mine." —Genevieve, 26, New York, NY
"I have never been so turned off by someone's car."
"This guy acts all high and mighty on a first date like he has a cool job, cool friends, etc. I just let him go on until he offers to take me home in his car. It's a 1991 Toyota Corolla that was probably orignally red, but now was red with one blue door and a black bumper. I have never been so turned off by someone's car. I didn't even know that was a thing. He has to open my door from the inside because it's jammed on the outside, and the seats are covered in literal dirt. Dirt everywhere. There's masking tape holding the glove compartment closed. It's one thing to have a tri-colored car, and another thing entirely to have a grossly dirty interior. It was the longest 7-minute drive to my house." —Nicole, 24, Los Angeles, CA
"He had abnormally small hands, *and* he texted me the day after our date. [Editor's note: This was too soon for Stefanie's liking. We checked.]" —Stefanie, 35, Brooklyn, NY
"My high-school boyfriend used expressions incorrectly, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. For example, he would say 'never heard' instead of 'never heard of it,' and it drove me crazy" —Allie, 25, Chicago, IL
"Joey C. Eighth grade. His fingers were too thick." —Sally, 27, New York, NY
"I once broke up with a French guy for two stupid reasons: He wore a cross and had a small penis, which made sex awkward for everyone involved." —Hilda, 21, Brooklyn, NY
"I ended things with a guy I was hooking up with in college because he sent me a YouTube video of him doing parkour." —Kathryn, 25, New York, NY
Shoes over boos
"I was dating a pretty great guy—smart, funny, successful—but after about six months, I just couldn't get into it. When I broke up with him, I gave a million nonsensical reasons, but in the end, it was really just that he was too short and I missed wearing heels." —Julia, 25, New York, NY
My body literally rejected him
"He gave me a bacteria in my throat, and I had to be on antibiotics at the hospital for three hours. Every time we'd kiss, my mouth would feel weird. When I asked him if he had something, he said he always felt weird when kissing me and that his doctor once told him that his mouth gets like that with 'foreign saliva.' I couldn't talk or eat because of how swollen my throat was, and I got bruises on my gums from the swelling. He didn't give a sh*t and said 'If you hate me that much, why don't you stop talking to me?' So I did." —Katy, 24, Brooklyn, NY
"He was stinky." —LashonDa, 31, Brooklyn, NY
"I broke up with my high-school boyfriend of one month because he wanted to make out with me, and I didn't like doing that because his breath was bad." —Kate, 25, Washington, D.C.
Chelsea Peng is a writer and editor who was formerly the assistant editor at MarieClaire.com. She's also worked for The Strategist and Refinery29, and is a graduate of Northwestern University. On her tombstone, she would like a GIF of herself that's better than the one that already exists on the Internet and a free fro-yo machine. Besides frozen dairy products, she's into pirates, carbs, Balzac, and snacking so hard she has to go lie down.
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