Animals that get to hibernate really have it made. They sleep through perhps the worst dating season of them all. Every morning in winter I attempt to hibernate, but my alarm won't let me.
Winter has put NYC into a deep freeze, draining the city's energy and rendering it unromantic and disgusting. This morning I trudged to work in a wet snowfall that switched over to a wintry mix that switched over to heavy rain. Runoff rushed through the streets, challenging pedestrians to find a safe spot to step without going ankle deep in water.
Winter is dictating my every move, and destroying my game....
I give up looking fashionable just to look warm.
This winter, nights and mornings have been too chilly: 5 degrees sometimes with wind chill. When it's that cold, I sacrifice fashion in order to stay warm. This means busting out my North Face jacket that my sisters gave me one Christmas when I told them: "I don't care what it takes; I need a superpowerful wind-breaking jacket that I can wear a T-shirt under at the top of Mount Everest." Then there's the matter of headwear: My Ravens hat, complete with earflaps, destroys any semblance of style in my hair. When I take this hat off, my hair resembles stalks of wheat in a field that has been flattened by a strong wind.
On a recent walk home, my friend Margaret pointed out the girl version of giving up in the name of staying warm: the long, superpuffy North Face jackets that hang down like gowns. Perhaps we should all take solace in the fact that it's so cold that we all give up on our appearances just to stay warm.
Cold weather means constant snot.
So many things go wrong with my face in the cold. My nose gets all red, and my face takes on a general look of pain, like I can't believe what's hitting me. And, for some reason, my nose runs profusely.
"I think I'll stay in ... again."
I should be out hitting on girls, meeting them in bars and parties. Problem is, the cold keeps everyone inside — as close to hibernation as possible. NYC is full of outdoor venues to grab a drink after work, but we can't do that right now unless we are on skates.
The Light Effect
Last fall, when we moved our clocks back an hour, it was cozy and ushered in the holidays. But after the holidays, the lack of light depresses me. Leaving work every day after dark makes me tired and sours my mood. Every year around this time, I research when we get to "spring forward" with the clocks. This year it will be March 8 ... and that still feels too far away.
But something beautiful can be found out of this misery: My buddy and I have created a no-fail plan to hit on girls using a psycho-scientific approach.
Here is what we plan to do:
Once we spring forward, the girls will slowly awaken into a happier state because they will be exposed to more light. Strategically combine this with warming weather — that time of year when girls can start wearing flip-flops and sundresses.
Relentlessly hitting on girls during their "spring awakening" will allow us to capitalize on the euphoric mind-set. And when we show up accompanied by more light and warmth, the girls will associate us with this euphoria. There will be about a four-week period when all of this "spring awakening" is fresh and new, so we'll have to really work the plan during this time.
So, we will emerge from our hibernation and go for it. All we are really saying is that in spring, human instincts dictate mating, so perhaps it will happen. But we won't look for romance, we'll just look for fun. It's hard to concentrate on one girl in spring.
Do you find that winter loses its romantic flare after the holidays? Are your dating habits or mood affected by weather patterns or lack of light? And what do you think of the psycho-scientific "spring awakening" idea my buddy and I developed?