When the Rolling Stones sing "Let's Spend the Night Together," they are obviously going to make out with whoever comes home with them. But for mere mortals like me, does an invitation to a girl's place, or an accepted invitation to stay at my place, mean it's an invitation to make out?
Many guys consider the two invitations one and the same.
I actually have a different perspective, mostly because of my unaggressive approach, and my fear of offending any woman I try to touch.
My girl friends have told me many horror stories about guys' behavior in their apartments after being invited in, or when visiting his place after a date:
- One guy sat on the couch and removed his shirt (without a request from the girl)
- One guy passed out drunk on the girl's couch and then woke
up and groped her multiple times before she literally pushed him out the door
- One guy pleased himself in bed (without a request from the girl), after she denied a make-out while staying over his place after meeting at a party
Now, I have different approach when invited to a girl's place, or inviting a girl back to my place.
I'm like a tiger pacing back and forth in a zoo inside a tiny cage. I have too much nervous energy, and I never know how to "time" my move...or if I'm even supposed to make a move (very un-Stones-like).
Examples of my activities when in a girl's place:
- Looking at art or pictures on the walls
- Finding a glorious distraction such as a dog or TV
- Asking for a tour (anything to prolong the moment before someone has to make a move)
When I invite a girl over to my place, I expect that she wants to make out if she accepts. I do manage, however, to screw it up in many ways once it comes down to it — similar to my behavior when I'm at her place. I'll find any distraction possible to dissolve my chances of making out.
Some situations are more obvious than others. And it also has to do with timing. I'd be nervous to try to make out with a girl if she invited me in after a first date.
Here are a few rules:
Meeting at the Bar and Going Home Together Means the Same Thing It Does in the Movies
When I ask a girl to come home with me from the bar, I assume she knows I want to make out with her. And if a girl invites me home after meeting at a bar, I figure I've got a chance at a make-out.
A Weekend Visit from Afar Usually Causes a Spark
This is also nearly a guaranteed make-out, even between friends, as long as you end up in the same bed at some point. You may be purely friends, but if there's any
chance of chemistry between you, you have the entire weekend to sort it out and
let it happen. And when someone travels to visit you, it shows some effort.
Think It Over Before Inviting Someone in After a First Date
(or Dates Early in the Process)
There are other reasons for inviting someone in, besides making out. You may want to extend a date because you enjoy talking to them. Or, you may want to show your place to them, because it's a reflection of who you are. I definitely see the "apartment showing" as an opportunity to show a girl the place she could hang out in on future dates — not necessarily as a chance to make out.
Try Not to Get Stranded
When we (most of the time while drunk) think it's a good idea to stay over, or go to someone's place far, far away, we are kind of trapped into making out. No one should ever feel like they must make out with someone, but it basically becomes part of the process because travel home is universally suspended until the next day for whatever reason. It's the "stranded on the island" mentality: Might as well make out then. Whether you make out, or insist on one of you being on the couch, it's awkward.
Same Bed Means Making Out (Most of the Time)
Except in stranded situations, when you end up in the same bed together, doesn't it usually mean something might happen...unless you pass out immediately like I usually do?
What is your take? Do you figure guys want to make out whenever they
invite you in, or do you feel like they'll expect to make out if you ask them to
hang out? Is an invite into someone's home an invitation to make out?
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens