8 Reasons I Don't Kiss/Make Out on the First Few Dates

I think it's pretty sad that I've never kissed a girl goodnight or made out, sober, after an actual date. The majority of my first kisses/encounters have occurred after knowing the person pretty well, crashing at each others apartment, a...

I think it's pretty sad that I've never kissed a girl goodnight or made out, sober, after an actual date (opens in new tab). The majority of my first kisses/encounters have occurred after knowing the person pretty well, crashing at each other's apartment, and/or after a drunk night out. And no first kiss with a random (i.e., on the dance floor) has ever happened sober.

My philosophy has always been: No matter how great a date goes, do not kiss a girl goodnight (opens in new tab). Maybe do the hug/kiss on the cheek combo (opens in new tab), but don't go all out for the deep kiss (opens in new tab). While this kind of move can certainly seal the deal, it can also rock the boat a little too much too soon.

Now, I have exactly one argument in favor of kissing a girl goodnight on the first date: It shows a girl you like her (opens in new tab) and if she feels the same way, things might take off from there.

But here are the many reasons I refrain from kissing a girl goodnight on the first date or dates early on in the relationship:

Many People Are Against Kissing on the First Date

"I don't kiss on the first date," is a common policy adapted by many people. So, there's always a chance that someone, regardless of how great a date goes, won't want to do it.

I Don't Like Kissing People I Don't Know Well

I haven't done the drunk kiss on the dance floor in a long time. If we don't share a history together, usually a kiss is a meaningless or empty experience. Sure, a kiss feels great, but it's not worth going for it with people that I'm not connected to because I don't know them well. And if I'm on a date with a friend, trying to turn it into a relationship (opens in new tab), we still aren't used to being together on that level.

Fear of Rejection

Because of my policy of making 110% sure that a woman wants physical contact with me (opens in new tab), I rarely try anything too fast. Sometimes this comes back to haunt me, because women think I'm not interested. But I'd be so embarrassed if I went in for a kiss and she shied away or put up a "stop" sign with her hand...awkward! (opens in new tab)

It's Cliché

It's cliché to try not to be cliché, but I don't care. I'd rather say my first kiss with my girlfriend was special, spontaneous, and emotional. A first kiss at the end of a first date might feel scripted.

It Plays Too Many Cards

Even if I like a girl, I'm trying to play the game too, sadly (opens in new tab). I want to make her wonder — something I'm really bad at doing.

It's an Unfair Signal

Sometimes, on a magical night, you want to kiss your date. Then, after you've had time to think, you realize you weren't that into it (opens in new tab). But you've already kissed them, and that should mean you want a second date and a third date, etc. You certainly have the right to not see that person again if you decide against it (opens in new tab), but you can never take back that kiss if you did it in the heat of the moment.

I Hate Kissing in Public

Usually the "first-date kiss goodnight" has to be done out in the open. Sure, I might get invited in, or have the opportunity to invite my date in, but most likely I'll have to kiss her goodnight outside her place or wherever we are. And I don't like doing that, even with a serious girlfriend (opens in new tab).

It Doesn't Allow for Anticipation

When I'm into a girl, I like anticipation and tension to build for "milestones." So, the first kiss doesn't have to happen on the first date. Maybe we hang out a few times before it finally happens, and it makes it that much more intense when it does (opens in new tab).

I can't tell if I'm afraid of risks, thinking too much, or too old-fashioned (opens in new tab). It's probably a mixture of all three. But there are two things to remember about a first-date kiss or kiss within the first few dates:

1. Don't read too much into it (opens in new tab) if he does kiss you goodnight on the first few dates

2. Don't assume he's not into you if he doesn't kiss you on the first few dates

Do you like a kiss on the first few dates? Do you expect it, or think that a guy expects it? What are your thoughts on kisses/making out on the first few dates?

Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)