• Give a Gift
  • Customer Service
  • Promotions
  • Videos
  • Blogs
  • Win
  • Games

How to Decide If He's Right For You

How to Decide If He's Right For You

Share

As I recently confessed, I have a new boyfriend — and a few weeks ago, we hit a major bump in the road. So major, in fact, that in the heat of the moment I thought, Well, that's it. This thing is over!

Then I spent a couple of days thinking about it, trying to psych myself up for it ... and crying a lot. And I talked things out with a few friends — all of whom think Mr. Tea is pretty great. All of whom know I am not necessarily the best at working through difficult things in relationships. (I prefer to flee and tell myself I'm better off on my own rather than confront anyone — and risk the kind of emotionally devastating fights I used to have whenever I argued with my father.) My adorable hairdresser, Garrett, said: "Maura, are you just making this into an excuse to break up with him?" My BFF Daisy Milliner said: "You're crazy, sweetie! You guys have been so happy together lately!" And another of my buddies — let's call him Sam Frisco — said, "Maura, dear, I myself am no expert at finding lasting and true love, but I think that any man who meets a few basic criteria is someone to hold on to."

Sam advised that I assess Mr. Tea using the following keeper-criteria:

1. He should do no harm.
"Call it the Hippocratic Rule of Dating," says Sam. "But he must not be harmful to you emotionally or in any other way."

2. He has to be worthy of your respect.
Probably self-explanatory, but just in case: It's hard to seriously consider sharing your life with someone if you don't admire the life choices he makes, and the way he conducts himself — not to mention the way he treats other people (and himself).

3. He has to love you and totally accept you.
This should be a no-brainer. But in this day and age, it can be hard to remember that relationships are supposed to be about mutual affection and tenderness — because so many of us have to deal with so many sub-par dalliances.

Of course, "total acceptance" doesn't mean you should never want each other to change one iota, ever. But before you make a serious commitment to anyone — or before you even so much as decide to move forward with him — ask yourself if the things you hope he'll change are crucial to his personality or not. If the answer is yes, you might be with the wrong guy. Additionally, determine if it's possible for him to change whatever habit or quality you want him to change. Talk to him about those things, making it clear you are talking about them because you care about him and the relationship — not because you want to attack him or belittle him in any way.

And ask yourself, also, if you feel like he is completely in your corner and deeply into you. If you have any uncertainty about the answer to that question, this may not be a relationship that's worth hanging on to.

"All the rest, a mon avis, is just filler and what friends are for," says Sam.

Which has left me wondering: What the hell does a mon avis mean?

But also, does Sam have this right? Is he missing anything?

Because I was thinking that a crucial question to ask yourself about a person, if you're trying to determine if he's The One is this: "Would I be friends with him if we weren't dating?" And if the answer is no, maybe, then, you shouldn't be dating.

Share
This Is A Developing Story
Connect with Marie Claire:
Advertisement
horoscopes
daily giveaway
Win a year’s supply of makeup products from Tarte and a year’s supply of hair products from Hamadi Organics!

Win a year’s supply of makeup products from Tarte and a year’s supply of hair products from Hamadi Organics!

enter now
You Know You Want More
Special Offer
Link Your Marie Claire Account to Facebook
Welcome!

Marie Claire already has an account with this email address. Link your account to use Facebook to sign in to Marie Claire. To insure we protect your account, please fill in your password below.

Forgot Password?

Thanks for Joining

Your information has been saved and an account has been created for you giving you full access to everything marieclaire.com and Hearst Digital Media Network have to offer. To change your username and/or password or complete your profile, click here.

Continue
Your accounts are now linked

You now have full access to everything Marie Claire and Hearst Digital Media Network have to offer. To change your settings or profile, click here.

Continue