I don’t know how many guys you’ve heard say this but: I’ve never enjoyed sex. I don’t know how many times, exactly, that I’ve had sex. I have been with 9 partners, three of which I’d consider “girlfriends”. Five partners were “one night stands”, and one was a good friend that I had previously dated when we were too young to have sex.
Over the next couple of days, let’s try to figure out why I have never enjoyed sex. I realize it’s not a normal thing for a male to say, but it’s the truth. Here are the reasons I’ve come up with on my own and with friends over why I’ve never enjoyed sex:
1. It always turns out to be a disappointment
So, I thought that great sex was supposed to take me to another world to the point where I was not aware of anyone else’s existence other than my own and the girl I was with. This has never happened. If I go into it every time expecting it to be a life-changing experience, am I setting myself up for failure? Not everything is perfect every time—well, Chic-Fil-A and Wikipedia are... and Disney World always lives up to the hype when you go, no matter how much you build it up in advance. Is sex is 99% anticipation? The act of getting to sex, meeting the girl, imagining the sex with the girl, and dating is fun, arousing, etc. But, once I’m there and I’ve accomplished my mission, I’m thinking “this is it, I put my self esteem on the line, got stepped on by girl after girl, and made the effort for this?” I’ve had the album Loveless by My Bloody Valentine take me to other places and give me head-spinning effects, sounding like the world is both beginning and ending in one moment. That is the feeling I expect from sex more than I expect it from a song.
2. My short....what was I going to say...um...oh yeah: my short attention span
During sex my mind wanders from to random thing to random thing:
“Oh I know where I put my keys that day I lost them in 1996”
“Who shot JR?”
“I wonder if the blue crab population in the Chesapeake Bay will recover”
“Wing, gear, joint, radio, maple tree, I don’t know”
“Did I leave the iron on?”
The worst thought I get is related to reason number one: “I wonder what my buddies are up to.” After a while, I feel like I’m missing something fun or exciting—even though I’m doing what my buddies are all out there trying to do. Reason number one feeds into my attention span problem: I get to the sex, it doesn’t turn out to be earth shattering, and then my mind wanders.
3. Do I really even like this girl?
When I was young and innocent, I told myself I’d only have sex with girls I was in love with. That’s a difficult proposition when trying to balance hormone and heart. If I had adhered to this rule, I would still be a virgin. That’s right. I’ve never been in love. The terrible thing is, once I’ve made it to sex, suddenly the girl doesn’t seem so challenging anymore. The thrill is gone. If sex happens too fast, I lose respect for the girl and—ultimately—myself. I started dating my girlfriend in college just to say I had a girlfriend in college. She was mean, and I wasn’t really that attracted to her. She lived in a sorority house, and when we had sex I would imagine the girl in the adjacent room (who was super hot) getting aroused at hearing us and having to masturbate because of what she heard us doing, which really ended up exciting me more than the actual sex. The majority of the time, even if I just make out the night before, I wake up chiding myself—wondering why I did what I did and showering myself with guilt.
Sadly, there are more reasons than just these three. I’m going to leave you with this for now. Kissing and being close are amazing, but I can’t get that feeling from sex—it’s kind of sad. And, as I said, more to come on this subject in a couple of days...
Any thoughts or help would be appreciated, girls...