In that first month of dating, even the coolest guy can only play it so cool. If he's serious, he'll drop hints. Seriousness should not be measured by:
-The grandeur of the dates
-The frequency of the dates
-The nice things he says
Guys will do just about anything to get lucky. It's hard to remember the simple things that indicate he is serious about you when you're being courted, especially when his game is intoxicating, and he's saying "all the right things."
During the fledgling weeks of dating, if he's doing any of the following, there's a chance that he's serious:
He Calls/Texts at the Right Time
It's good when a guy texts/calls any time, any day. If your call log is peppered with texts/calls between 12 a.m. and 4 a.m., however, you might just be a "booty call." And the subject matter should range from date ideas to insignificant things like the fact that he found a $10 bill on the sidewalk on the way to work.
He Wants to See You...a Lot
I'll try to see a girl as often as I can when I'm into her. Even though I'm a certified expert in the art of laziness, I overcome my desire to sleep or do nothing in those critical early moments of the relationship. My priorities change from ramen, Wikipedia, and TV to wine bars, walks, and dinners (but I'd have to get fancy $10 ramen at the dinners).
You Pass the Distance Test
It seems this always happens: You meet someone you like, you hang out for a few weeks, and then a holiday or business trip interrupts. So, instead of riding the momentum of the sparks, you must brave that week apart. Will things be the same afterward? Will you communicate?
If I'm into a girl, time away intensifies my desire to communicate and I anticipate seeing her again and I definitely contact her while we are apart. If I'm not into her, she is easily dismissed from my thoughts when we are apart.
You Stack Up Against the Things He Loves to Do
I never thought I'd see the day when one of the guys in our Ravens football-watching group would not only show up with a girl, but would also miss some of the game because of morning brunch. Yikes! But that's exactly what one of my friends is doing now. I would struggle to sacrifice Ravens time, but when I'm into a girl, she is on the same plane as the things I'm passionate about.
...and That He Has to Do
Some people love work, but I would be discouraged if someone worked instead of spending time with me in the first few weeks of a relationship. Even when work needs to be done, I'll find a way to get it done and see the girl. When I'm not into her, I might use the work as an excuse to avoid her.
You See His Other Side
I'm a goofball and, yes, I like bathroom humor and human resource violations. People wonder how I'll ever meet someone. They don't understand that the right girl will see the other side of me: serious, behaved, deep, thoughtful, and respectful. When I'm into a girl, I never say anything obnoxious in front of her...at least until I know she likes me. When I'm not into a girl, I'll just act like an idiot with my friends almost as if she isn't there.
You Have Down Time Together
"The sun shines in the bedroom when we play,
The rain it always starts when you go away."
I imagine sun-drenched mornings lying in bed, making breakfast, enjoying Saved by the Bell episodes together, and other low-key moments. If I'm not into a girl, I'll leave her place, or "encourage" her to leave my place instead of hanging out. But if I'm into her, the time we spend just hanging out is the best.
Unfortunately, some guys can pull off all of the above without being serious. But usually, a guy who is not serious will not put forth so much effort. Sometimes, in our zeal to find companionship, we forget the simple things, and we convince ourselves that, even though we aren't getting much of someone's time, they are into us. We deserve a relationship with mutual effort that is not just being used as a means to an end. It's simply about enjoying each other's company.
What signals indicate to you that a guy is serious? Do you have experience with nonserious guys who faked being serious for a while? Did they use the tactics above? Do you agree with my signals?
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