Tayshia Deserves Better
After waiting for what felt like the entire winter, we finally saw The Fence Jump To End All Fence Jumps last week—which brings us to tonight, The Bachelor finale. We ended last week with Cassie Randolph dumping Colton Underwood because she didn't feel ready, and we kicked off this week with Colton trudging angrily through the Portuguese countryside, flanked by Chris Harrison. It may not have been The Most Dramatic Season Ever that we're promised each and every season (I love you, Chris, but c'mon), but that finale was...well, it lived up to even Chris' promises.
First, we saw Colton reflecting on what had happened the night before, and how he'd fallen in love with Cassie and remained only in the "falling" stage with Hannah G. and Tayshia. (Oh, Hannah G., who never even got a date in Portugal. Oh, dear.) He knew what he had to do, he said—Colton made clear to Chris that he didn't feel like his life was complete without Cassie, and only Cassie—and then promptly went to Tayshia's hotel room to break up with her. He cried. She cried. They turned the cameras off, but in true Bachelor fashion, we heard a lot of muffled breathing sounds through the door anyway. Then he went off to do the same to Hannah G. I mean, it was a lot.
But if you were overwhelmed, just remember the memes! The memes.
Poor Hannah G.!
Hannah G. when Colton finally comes to talk to her: #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/nXjaGp6n32March 12, 2019
My bachelor wouldn’t have left Hannah G to wait in her room excited for a date that’s never coming, while begging and crying over another woman #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/aYK30Vh4g1March 12, 2019
Meanwhile poor Hannah G these past few episodes... #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/eO2SL5SqiCMarch 12, 2019
Hannah G has been WAITING for just her fantasy suite date. Colton has confessed his love, had two breakups, committed the jump heard ‘round the world, and been lost in the Portuguese wilderness! SOMEON UPDATE THIS CHICK #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/LfnfFog4E3March 12, 2019
“When will Colton return from the war?” #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/gu5lkXmWPCMarch 12, 2019
Tayshia Deserves Better
Tayshia acting like a real adult here while Colton is crying into her arms after breaking her poor heart. #TheBachelor #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/qPeqHSNXsOMarch 12, 2019
tayshia and her eyebrows do not deserve this kind of treatment #thebachelor #thebachelorfinale pic.twitter.com/GLHXaK4s7dMarch 12, 2019
Chris Harrison: you were taking care of HIM after the breakup; you don’t see that a lot! Every female watching: #TheBachelorFinale #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/WWdPmD6yCmMarch 12, 2019
Does This...Make Sense?
Chris Harrison trying to tell Colton that Cassie is just not that into him and Colton still not believing him is now the saddest thing I've ever witnessed on this show. #thebachelorfinale pic.twitter.com/IdjXNkbIxMMarch 12, 2019
IMPORTANT: What is happening with @Colton's hair? #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/mN51ou43gKMarch 12, 2019
The hairdressers tonight before sending Colton out on stage. #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/QIpTbQj7HaMarch 12, 2019
Colton's Hair, Wyd?
That is not virgin hair if you ask me #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/M0b5VQ5xbUMarch 12, 2019
Colton obviously gets with Cassie cause that is the hair of a white boy who just got laid for the first time #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/oNeMztVixpMarch 12, 2019
who tf let Colton on stage looking like this?! #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/6b9bz4Xp9VMarch 12, 2019
Me after 4 minutes and 32 seconds on a no-carb diet #TheBachelor #Bachelor #BachelorNation #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/pwmqJt3qSgMarch 12, 2019
The Real Question!
*dead silence* *everyone stares in disbelief and concern for colton* Chris Harrison: BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS VIRGINITY?! #TheBachelorFinale #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/L67otRE3FyMarch 12, 2019
You Were Going to Call the Cops, Chris? Really?
911: what's your emergency?Chris Harrison: errr... a football player from Colorado just jumped a fence into the dead of the night in Portugal #TheBachelorFinale pic.twitter.com/In9RUU8w7xMarch 12, 2019
Sure, Chris. Whatever you say.
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Jenny is the Director of Content Strategy at Marie Claire. Originally from London, she moved to New York in 2012 to attend the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism and never left. Prior to Marie Claire, she spent five years at Bustle building out its news and politics coverage. She loves, in order: her dog, goldfish crackers, and arguing about why umbrellas are fundamentally useless.
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