Kate Middleton Plans to Have *All* the Squishy Royal Babies

Update, 9/10: Confronted, as we all eventually are, with the inverse relationship between fertility and age, Kate Middleton did what any Type A would do: have a squishy baby, have a second squishy baby, then make a spreadsheet calculating how she can squeeze in (or out, rather) two more squishy babies before she hits 40. [Hold]

According to Hollywood Life, the Duchess would like a family-only ice hockey team, so she's put herself on a timeline to have two more children, the first of whom is scheduled to arrive before she turns 35. That gives her approximately one year to get pregnant with RB III, although the news below would suggest Step 87 of Kate's Master Plan is already well underway. (Yes, both reports come from the same not-that-reputable source, so dip some fleur de sel and keep going.)

What does that mean for us? Not much, aside from MORE LITTLE MONKEYS—unless you're a population scientist, and it turns out the Kate Middleton Effect applies to baby booms too.

Original story, 9/8: Take this with a big ol' grain of internet salt, but: Speaking with Star magazine (via Hollywood Life), a source claims that Kate Middleton is apparently expecting a third little one, who is due "in late April or early May." This *could* explain why she's been absent from some royal engagements, including Daisy Dickson's wedding in August, which sister Pippa attended in her place. "Kate has the Queen's blessing to forgo royal duties for at least two months, until she overcomes the treat of sickness," the insider said.

The Mayo Clinic recommends waiting four to six weeks after childbirth to resume sex, so if Middleton's healthcare provider gave her and Prince William the green light around that time, you could theoretically predict when Royal Baby III was conceived...

Aaaaanyway, Star has a history of crying "pregnant," and another source has already refuted the rumor to Gossip Cop, so now, we're back at square one: imaginary-squishing George and Charlotte. Which is not a bad place to be at all.