Kim Kardashian's Erotic Valentine's Day Gift Guide 2016

Hair, Face, Ear, Coat, Dress shirt, Outerwear, Jewellery, Collar, Suit, Fashion,

(Image credit: Getty Images)

published 3 February 16

Do you have over $10,000 and zero idea what to do with your main squeeze on Valentine's Day? Don't panic, Kim Kardashian is here to guide you through a night of erotic pleasures. The reality star put together a gift guide for the most romantic day of the year (for people who don't stay home alone consuming wine, that is), and she also did everyone a solid by whipping up a photo collage of her and Kanye that includes this gem:

Human, Purple, Magenta, Costume accessory, Art, Violet, Lavender, Fur, Boot, Rectangle,

Cool, cool, cool, nothing to see here, let's get to the guide. Aside from your basic body wax and edible chocolate, Kim suggests the following items to ensure hot sex.

1. A couples' vibrating ring that's—bonus!—USB rechargeable. You know, just in case the Kanye West in your life wears its battery down.
2. A Fifty Shades of Grey "Sweet Sting" riding crop AKA whip
3. A stripper pole. We repeat, a stripper pole.
4. An edible G-string, which—to be fair—looks completely delicious. *Adds ten to cart.*
5. A board game delightfully called "Let's F*ck!"
6. A totally reasonably priced $10k bottle of champagne

Basically, Kim and Kanye will be spending their time eating chocolate off each other's bodies, drinking liquid cash, and playing with this snowman shaped vibrator that has basically ruined Olaf for us. Meanwhile, we'll be deep into our third round of solitary chocolate-eating, which also counts as an erotic experience in some circles, mmmkay?