Vladimir Putin doesn't have bad days like the rest of us, apparently. The reason why? He's blessed with a penis.
"I am not a woman, so I don't have bad days," he explained in Oliver Stone's four-part documentary, The Putin Interviews. He added, "I am not trying to insult anyone. That's just the nature of things. There are certain natural cycles."
It's not that the Russian president doesn't love and admire women. He thinks we're very good at childcare and doing our chores on time.
"You care day and night for your children, grandchildren, and your family," he wrote in a tribute to women everywhere on International Women's Day. "Even today, on International Women's Day, you are still caught up in your routine, working tirelessly, always on time."
Bloomberg reports that Stone's documentary also sought to clarify Putin's take on the LGBT community. Giving minors information about homosexuality has been illegal in Russia since 2013. In fact, this year's version of Beauty and the Beast was criticized by one of the country's ruling parties for peddling "gay propaganda," a reference to Disney's first character, LeFou. In the end, Russia gave the film an adult certificate rather than banning it outright.
But Putin says there's no hard feelings between he and the gay community. And yet, when asked if he'd take a shower with a gay man on a submarine, he remained cautious.
"Well, I prefer not to go to the shower with him. Why provoke him?" he laughed. "But you know, I'm a judo master."