Nancy Pelosi’s Parting Message to Women in This Political “Freak Show”

In Exit Interview, Marie Claire has a candid conversation with someone who’s left their job. We learn all about their experience—both the good and the bad—plus why they decided to move on and what life looks like on the other side.

Here, we speak with Nancy Pelosi, who is walking away from Congress after building one of the most formidable careers in U.S. politics. The 85-year-old California Democrat made history as the first woman to wield the Speaker’s gavel and led her party in the House for two decades. Last November, she announced she won’t run for reelection when her current term ends in January 2027. We sat down with Pelosi in her D.C. office this January to talk about the new generation of women claiming power, what keeps her up at night about this moment in Washington, and whether someone like her can ever truly leave politics behind.

What do you see when you look at the women in Congress today?

This is one of my favorite subjects, because when I came to Congress, there were only 23 women. I—having been chair of the California Democratic Party—knew how to elect people. And I said: “We're going to make a change here.” So part of the mission was to make sure that women had the opportunity, the confidence, the support that they needed to come here. If there had not been many women members, there would never have been a woman Speaker. This was not a place that was looking to advance others. You just had to go take the power. People say to me: “Well, you have five children, and you went to Congress and you became a Speaker.” But I did it sequentially. Mine were almost [all] in college. These women are raising their children while they’re doing this. And that’s quite remarkable.

What did it mean to be the first woman Speaker?

When I had my first meeting as Speaker, that’s a big deal. I mean, it was a very big deal. And people said to me after: “Do you realize how different that meeting would’ve been if a man had run it?” I mean, how many times have women said, “I was at the table and I made a suggestion and everybody was quiet, then a man made the same suggestion and they said, oh, that’s a great idea.” That has happened to women over and over. But I have concluded that the reason that happens is because they don’t listen to the women. Now we got the gavel. It’s a whole different deal. They listen.

Were there parts of yourself you had to change to lead in the way you have?

It’s important to know I never intended to run for office. People came to me and asked me to run, and I was like: “I have no ambition to run. I’m the chair of the party. That’s important to me because I like to promote other people, but I’m not one to be in the arena.” You know what changed? We lost in ’94, ’96, ’98. And it was like: “Wait a minute. We’re losing. We’re just losing!” I know how to win elections, so people said to me, “Now you have to take responsibility.” And then I did—because quite frankly, I was tired of losing. I never thought of any change in me about it, except that I wanted to win. I went to my daughter who was going to be a senior in high school and said, “Mommy has been asked to run for Congress. I had never had that ambition, but people are insisting that I run. I want to leave it up to you because you have one more year at home, Alexandra. If I win, I’d be gone like three nights a week when Congress is in session, and often for Christmas and all those holidays.” To which she said, “Mother, mother, get a life. What teenage girl doesn’t want her mother out of the house three nights a week?” So she and my husband get along just fine.

What do women in politics need to hear right now?

It’s the authenticity. I say this to women all the time: whatever it is—in terms of your upbringing, the environment in which you were raised, the education you have, the set of values that you bring to it—there’s nobody like you. So when you come here, your authenticity is what is important. Be you, be ready for what comes along. Have your vision, know what you’re talking about so you command respect, and have a strategy that attracts other people, and also shows them what is in your heart. The sincerity, the authenticity, the concern you have about other people. [If] you’ve listened to them, you’ve incorporated their concerns and aspirations into the solutions, you’ll succeed.

There’s a lot of anxiety around women’s rights right now. What do you think people aren’t fully grasping?

I think that a lot of people do not fully understand how it was before Roe v. Wade, and most of us didn’t, but we knew that it was necessary in the history of America. As a Catholic—[who had] five children in six years and seven days—my husband and I are thrilled with our family, but that’s our decision. I’m excommunicated from the church as a Catholic because I support a woman’s right to choose. And it is just amazing to me that so many people in the Congress don’t. And so many women in the Congress don’t support women’s right to choose. And when you eliminate something like that, it’s not just about terminating a pregnancy. It’s about what healthcare providers can provide for somebody who’s in a dangerous situation. This is what I will fight for, because it makes me almost cry to think what women have to undergo—because some guys decided that a woman shouldn’t have a right to choose.

Considering where we are politically right now, how do you feel about stepping away?

When I first came, [to Congress] I mean, we disagreed on issues, but that was the dynamic—to have the debate. That’s not the way it is now. But I do believe that when our founders founded this country, and even some of the early presidents, talked about the goodness of the American people. We have to believe in their goodness. So I have these bracelets that say faith, hope, and charity. When they ask me “Where is hope?,” I say hope is where it always has been—between faith and charity. And if you believe in the goodness of the American people, that gives people hope. And so what we have to do in politics is think more in terms of the goodness of the American people—and not this freak show that we’re in right now.

Are you really done with politics, or just done with Congress?

Right now, I’m still in Congress for one reason: to win the house for the Democrats. That’s it. And my position enables me to do it in a stronger way than if I had retired by now. So that’s what I’m here for. I’ll always kind of be making judgments about races, as to whether they’re owning the ground, disciplining them, disciplining the message. And that’s the word that they’ll probably use for me—I am a disciplined person on that. When you make a decision to be in this, you make a decision to win. At the end of the day, I have three “nos”: no wasted time, no underutilized resources, and no regrets the day after the election that you could have done more.

Have you thought about what you’ll miss?

The first time I saw the Capitol, I was only about five years old, and it left a lasting impression on me. And I love looking at it every day. And to see what happens under the Capitol is very important. So I guess I would say what I would miss... I hadn’t thought about missing anything, quite frankly. But I know that I will miss the people, that’s for sure. But I can see them. It’s not as if they’re going away too. Maybe this will be some clarity for you: People in California do not get Potomac Fever [D.C. slang for politicians’ obsession with staying in power]. We live in heaven on earth, so there’s no regrets about going home to California. And every week when I would get off that plane and they’d say we’re landing in San Francisco, I’d be like: “oh my God, how wonderful.” And so the timing is right.