How Much Do Looks Matter?

I'm may sound really shallow, but I don't think I can date someone who I don't find physically attractive.

I'm may sound really shallow, but I don't think I can date someone who I don't find physically attractive.

I wish I could deny my instincts, but my instincts tell me that I won't be happy unless someone is smart, fun, sweet AND good-looking.

Guys are often stimulated by visual cues. They will gravitate and hit on the girls they find physically attractive when they are out.

But I hope that most guys are not judging books by the cover. In other words, I hope what most guys are looking for is a book with a pretty cover and a great story inside. A pretty cover alone can only go so far.

So, is it less shallow to say that guys are attracted to a girl at FIRST by how she looks, but then there must be more to formulate a deeper relationship? I've struggled for a long time: why can't I just be attracted to the great girl that isn't pretty on the outside in my eyes? Or, why do I only go for these girls that I find pretty on the outside before I know about what's on the inside?

When I meet an amazing girl personality-wise that is not physically attractive to me, she just becomes a really good friend, and once they are a friend it never changes.

Here is what I notice in terms of appearance, in order, in a girl when I'm out:

1. Figure/frame - I wish this wasn't so, but it is. I tried to tell my friend Margaret that I noticed eyes before anything else. But she was quick to point out that I won't approach a girl who is not petite and is not shorter than me. I'm average height and my first few girlfriends I ever had were all petite. So I guess I've just developed attraction to that type of figure.

2. Eyes - The most attractive communicate a lot in general, but they also say that there are hidden things that-- if I'm lucky to get close to that person--I will discover. Not all eyes have that little glimmer that sets me on fire, but when I see that glimmer it's an amazing experience.

Hair, Head, Nose, Mouth, Hairstyle, Mammal, Youth, Blond, Long hair, Fictional character,

(Image credit: Archives)

3. Hair - You know that when hair moves a certain way, it moves me. So, pretty hairstyle, color, and texture are attractive.

4. Smile - Smiling a lot is key. Almost all smiles I've seen in my experience are pretty.

5. Style - When a girl has exceptional, classy or edgy style, it is really attractive, and it almost always enhances her natural appearance.

When I see a girl that meets all of those characteristics,
 she has a slight glow: she stands out in a crowded room. I see girls like this about once every three months or so.

I find it hard to imagine dating anyone that I wouldn''t want to see sitting across from me at a dinner table every day, that wouldn''t brighten the room every day when she walked in, and that didn''t have that glow.

What I do need to work on, perhaps, is being more forgiven. Should I open my mind so that I'm not so picky-does she really need to "glow"? Or is it impossible to just change my instincts and mental makeup?

Maybe I'm just immature. Older people tell me that looks disappear eventually, but personality is what will keep me happy in a serious relationship as time goes on. So, is it limiting to demand both amazing looks and personality in a soul mate?

Have you ever met someone that wasn't attractive at first, but then became more physically attractive because of a wonderful personality? Do you agree that the first step in attraction is physical and that it's really hard to just change what you've developed in your mind as "physical attractiveness" in the opposite sex?