As you may recall, I recently wrote to ask you all whether I should swear off younger guys. While a few of you noted that younger guys seem less likely to be ready to settle down, less likely to get serious, the majority of you seemed to think that true wub knows no age boundaries. Which is to say: Conventions and biological clocks, be damned!
Anyway, the older-woman-younger-dude question is back on my brain this week in part because it just came to my attention that Demi Moore is all over the Novemember issue of W magazine. In it, she says she doesn't know how she became the cougar poster-woman ... and that she'd rather be called a PUMA.
I like the ring of that, too.
I don't know why it is that I alwasy date guys who are younger than me, usually by about 5 years. I do like how virile and energetic they are. Probably another reason is that I'm rather emotionally risk-averse, and I know that with the tykes, things won't ever get too serious. What's more, I waited a long time to lose my virginity--so maybe my libido is younger than I am, and chooses its targets accordingly? I dunno.
Anyway, it's also true that the babies tend to come to me; on Monday alone, I was contacted via the online personals by a 23-year-old, a 24-year-old, and a 25-year-old, all of whom actually seem eligible. Or at least interesting.
As a result of Monday's somewhat unsual statistics, my darling Parisian friend Patrick (who is five years younger than I am) and I got into a chat about the joys of, shall we say, puma-dom.
The best thing about it?
1) When there's a 5-10 year age difference, and the man is younger, it's a great match of sexual self-knowledge on the part of the female and sexual energy on the part of the male. As Patrick put it, "By the time a woman reaches her thirties, she's more comfortable with her sexuality--she knows what she wants and how to get it better. Which makes the sex more fun." Bingo. And when the guy is younger, his stamina is no question. Pleasure is maximized for both parties.
When an older man is with a much-younger woman, however, as Patrick pointed out, it's definitely not about the sex--certainly not for her, anyway.
2) In my experience, there's not a creepy power imbalance. In fact, I think the power dynamic works out really well in the case of older-woman+younger-man. Why? Because a man is always physically more powerful than the woman. Also, a man almost always has something of an emotional advantage over a female, in the sense that women are biochemically predisposed to get more attached after sex; blame it on the oxytocin. So when there's an older woman in the picture--a woman who is likely a little more experienced, a little more secure in her career, a little more self-assured--the power balance is more equal.
3) By the year 2010, in the U.S. there will be one million more men in the 25-44 age range than women. (That's according to the U.S. Census Bureau.) In other words, there will be a dearth of women. And as Lisa Daily, author of "How To Date Like a Grown-up," puts it: "Those bachelors in the prime of their lives won't just sit around crying in their soup about the lack of available women--they'll pursue women over 40."
Lovelies ... I have the feeling a bunch of you are gonna disagree with me here ... so ... tell me: What do you think?