Let me tell you how my friend's recent date one-upped a vampire for creepiness. Before we get into his follies, let's have a vampire prevention refresher course:
- Vampires don't like garlic
- You can kill a vampire with a stake through the heart
- Vampires hate sunlight
- Ward off a vampire with a crucifix and holy water
You'd think it would be tough to do something a vampire can't do, but John figured out a way. John's first error was piggy backing a joke my friend Vanessa made about the venue they went to for a drink.
The bar is called Bounce, and Vanessa made a quip about the waitresses being "well endowed"-hence the name "Bounce". John decided to "compliment" Vanessa:
"Well then in that case you could DEFINITELY work here," he said while stealing a long look at her cleavage.
Vanessa tried to avoid the "compliment" and changed the subject, but John just couldn't let it go: "No, seriously you could SO work here...MAN!"
Finally, the conversation turned away from Vanessa's cleavage and the two settled in to the bar to watch a baseball game, though John did visit other bad conversation topics such as ribbing Vanessa for "not calling him back in the beginning." At the end of the game, Vanessa knew she was clearly not interested and tried to bid John farewell, urging him to catch his train home.
Cornered, Vanessa said: "Um, ok"...hardly an invite.
At what point did society deem it acceptable to enter the home of someone without being formally invited? Maybe I'm traditional, or maybe I adhere to the rules of vampires, but John was determined to get in to Vanessa's apartment at any cost-even violating the rules of society, and do something even vampires don't do.
When they got to her apartment, John did do something vampires do very well: he attacked. Vanessa was able to ward him off (not sure if she brandished a crucifix), and within 20 minutes, John passed out on her couch. Vanessa woke him up and said: "OK John, you gotta go. It's time for your train."
John got up and made his way to the door, but not before trying for a "goodbye kiss". Again he attacked, engulfing Vanessa in his arms, his tongue invading her mouth like an angry snake. Vanessa went along with it and then pushed him off and firmly told him that he had to go.
John figured he's use more of his impeccable wit to lure her back into a smooch:
"Man, what a c*ckblock," he said.
Vanessa shoved him out the door, and slammed it in his face while yelling:
(Insert sitcom studio audience applause)
So here are my questions for you: why do women "go along with it" when guys do the kiss attack, especially during or after a bad date. Should I be making moves like this? I figured I was supposed to wait until there was a "moment" and let it build, and make sure she even wanted me to kiss her? To me, things are only exciting when the woman is into it. If not, shouldn't a guy feel creepy? And, do you agree that it is not right to invite yourself over to a woman's place during a date? Isn't this just feeding the "I know she wants it" mentality? It's safest to assume she doesn't want it. Or, think like me: hold out hope that she does want it-but don't be surprised when she doesn't.
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