During the holidays, you can only operate in one of two modes if you want to live past January 2: six-parties-in-one-night, zigzag-ing-cross-town "I wanna be where the people are"-ness or sequestering yourself in your home with an extra-large mug of ginger tea to jumpstart your liver. Nobody really cares if you don't go out, but here's a tip for true-feeling selective fact disclosure: Blame it on your beauty routine. Here, five temporarily ugly-making treatments to use as handy excuses/do when you're already shutting yourself off from the world.
Whether you DIY with one of those loopy tools or see an aesthetician (preferred), your face will not emerge unscathed—but then, a few days later, once the swelling and possible breakout has subsided, you will look like Gisele. Even though all you need is a bag of frozen peas, a good concealer, and your simultaneously battered but inflated self-esteem to prepare for the great outdoors, why not time it so you emerge at the height of your glowy-ness?
2. Chemical Peels
Mainly for the reason that animals will hop onto your lap to lick at your face, thinking it's a cut of raw top sirloin. Also, it will probably also feel tender (in addition to looking it).
3. Major Eyebrow Work
Because plucking the wrong hair can be like demolishing a load-bearing wall, only with even greater financial and emotional distress, because unlike architecture, bad brows cannot be fixed with plaster and labor. To do: sob, attempt grafting tufts taken from your head, ultimately become the Egon Schiele of the eyebrow pencil.
Technically, this procedure—which involves a professional using a scalpel to manually exfoliate the outer layers of dead skin cells and peach fuzz for a brighter complexion— is pain-free, but you might want to leave some cushion room for any accidental Sweeney Todd-ing, you know?
5. Waxing, At-Home or Otherwise
So you can roam around pants-less, thereby reducing friction and in-growns. And time spent wearing trousers.
Bonus: Eyelash-Growth Serum That Reddens Your Eyes to Vampire-Junkie Levels
I swear I sprouted new hairs the first time I used GrandeLash, but it also made me look as high as those people who keep tweeting Domino's to complain about missing toppings. This is why I reserve it for when I don't have to see anybody (important). (Before ignoring the directions on the box that say to discontinue use in case of irritation, LISTEN TO YOUR EYE DOCTOR, NOT ME. /end not taking responsibility for injuries)